Just One Of Them Dayz...

I'm not mad at anyone, nor do I have any complaints at the moment - well, with the exception of a little back pain - yet, I'm having one of those days where I just want to be completely alone.

Unfortunately, the only place I can get to do this - if I need to be alone during the week, that is - is at work. I haven't needed this in a while, but, then again, I often get to be alone on Saturdays. My husband often takes the kids out for the entire day. I take this time to nap, read, play games on my computer or phone, take care of my nails, and/or watch movies with British actors in them if total silence is NOT the order of the day...today, it is.

I'm currently in my office alone, with nothing but the hum of computer systems that haven't been shut off to keep me company. I like it. I don't feel like talking to or listening to anyone; I don't feel like looking at anyone or being looked AT for that matter. It's weird.

Do you ever get in a mood where just about anything annoys you? You have no idea why and none of it makes sense, but everything's just intolerable? It's been such a long time since I've felt this way, but I'm certain that I'm most unhappy with myself, meaning, what's REALLY annoying me, is ME...

I'm taking this time to get over myself and return to normal before I begin to alienate my family. WAIT!!!!!!!!!

I just had an epiphany, I think. I'm thinking about a certain someone's attitude recently and how what I'm feeling now COULD be exactly what he's been feeling lately, but his adolescent mind doesn't analyze his emotions further by acknowledging that you can't take your self pity or whatever you want to call it out on others! Disliking yourself for the moment doesn't mean you should prevent others from showing you love and affection. You should GET OVER IT, love others anyway and allow yourself to BE loved! Yes!

I already feel 100 percent better and am regretting having ordered those noodles from the Chinese place that I now have to wait for before I can leave to go home to my beautiful family!!!!

GOD, I THANK YOU FOR REVEALING MYSELF AND SOMEONE I LOVE TO ME IN SUCH A CLEAR AND AMAZING WAY!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Blessed

This morning, I was very nearly in tears. Feeling hurt and betrayed and entirely hopeless as I left the house, I found myself automatically going into silent prayer. By the time my husband and I made it to the train platform, I was holding onto his arm and thanking God that I was not having to go through this alone.

The heaviness in my heart was lifted, and I felt, and continue to feel, 100 percent confident that God will find a way to permanently fix the issue. What good was my continuing to groan about my heartbreak going to do for the situation? Not a thing. God's got my back; of that, I'm very certain.

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Immutable Ramblings: SMILING IT FORWARD™

Immutable Ramblings: SMILING IT FORWARD™: Disclaimer: I have received information and products from McNeil Consumer Healthcare Division of McNEIL-PPC, Inc., the makers of TYLENOL®. ...

Too Tired To Write

I'm working on three hours of sleep here...but I really liked my mani and wanted to show it. The brown is Revlon Parfumerie polish in Autumn Spice, the emerald/dark teal color is Sinful Colors in Opening night.

I also wanted to share this AMAZING lotion I'm using on my hands now. It's got all the good oils and butters in it for healthy skin. It's SheaMoisture Coconut & Hibiscus Body Butter LOVE! The smell, the feel, the lasting power, the SMELL! Yes, I repeated myself...

Back to work and to sneaking 60-second naps in between each duty...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Surreal...

...that's the only word I can think of that can aptly describe the last few days we've had in our home. The things we were discovering about what's been happening in our absence were infuriating to say the least. If I had rich relatives in another state, I think I would have sent my kids off to live with them; that's how angry I was with them...

It's bad when you are so angry with, disappointed in someone that you don't even want to look at them.

I felt like I was floating above my home, watching some other family go through the things we were experiencing. I've calmed down considerably, but, at this point, I don't trust anyone in that household but my husband. This fact depresses me...

Please pray for us...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

The Talk

When I came home yesterday, there was a fire truck pulling up close to my house. I of course immediately panic, thinking something's happened to my kids, but, thanks be to God, that was not the case. There was, however, a very huge fire in the woods behind our house, and, had our house not been surrounded by angels, it could have made its way over to us.

Thank you, Jesus!!!

My husband and I had a long talk with the kids last night about their behavior and school performance. During our talk, it hit me that I may make them think that they need to be perfect all of the time. I made sure to relieve that thinking and to assure that all I want from them is their individual best, not perfection. I think kids sometimes don't WANT to give their all, however, because they'd prefer to do other things. The same can definitely be said about adults, myself included. I'm sure there is so much more we could be doing but don't because of our distractions (self-selected and otherwise).

Raising kids is hard when you actually care about and love them. I used to think diapers and daycare costs were the worst of it; I WAS WRONG!!! I can say, however, that the trials we've encountered with them have proven what we've already known: God has truly set each one apart for great things. The fact that the enemy has attempted to thwart their spiritual paths so early in their lives is great confirmation of that fact. What a loser and a liar that devil is!!!

Prayer absolutely has to be a part of my life as a mother because there is so much that I don't know, that I can't fix, and that BOTHERS ME, but what else can I do? I absolutely must trust God to fill in the gaps that my husband and I cannot...and I'm ok with that.

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Tired...

This week was supposed to be a short one for me but it's felt longer than usual...

I'm feeling a little down this morning. I keep finding things out about someone I love that have been truly disheartening. It's so hard to continue to have high hopes for someone only to find out one more thing about them that makes you want to lose hope. I guess that's how Jesus feels about us sometimes. Though, the difference between Him and us is that He can see - has ALREADY seen - what we're supposed to be. Not just what He wishes for us, but what were truly built to become. If only I had that ability...

It's exhausting. Caring about the life of someone who is doing everything they can to WASTE it...is truly draining...

Please pray for me, for US...

Until next time,

Jessika