I have a few minutes so I thought I'd write a little something...
I'm extremely sleepy at this time, so if I start to sound crazy, please excuse me.
It's Thursday, February 14th, and lots of people will be going out on dates, receiving gifts of greeting cards, candy, maybe even some jewelry, and people will, for the most part, probably be extra nice to each other, too. To me, it's just another Thursday, but, I'll probably go to dinner with my bestest friend-companion-love-of-my-life. I'm praying that where we're going won't be too crowded. It's someplace we've never been before, so I'm looking forward to the experience.
I feel extremely blessed to have a husband who treats and considers me in a way that doesn't have me anxiously awaiting special occasions to be treated and considered in a certain way. I don't mean to sound prideful or braggy or anything like that. What I'm saying is that I wish more men would learn to treat their women like EVERY DAY is Valentine's day. And I wish women would learn to expect that from their men - that doesn't mean treat your men like crap, ladies, and still expect to be treated like queens in return, either!!!
Some people will be "hooking up" tonight "just because," too, and that's a whole 'nother sad situation that I wish didn't exist. Every "hook up," in my opinion, is like having another sheet ripped from the book of your soul, leaving you more empty and having less to offer than before. I should know; I've BEEN there and learned the hard way that the longer you hold onto losers, the less you'll have to offer a winner.
I'm remembering the year I stopped thinking that Valentine's Day was a big deal. It was 2001. I was in an abusive nearly-three-year-relationship with a man whose every word and action told me he didn't give a dang about me. He lied, cheated, verbally, mentally and physically abused me, and disrespected me and my home and property. He was that dude you would ask to get you and the kids something to eat, took your car and disappeared for six hours, brought the car back on empty - COLD FOOD - and then got mad at you for having the audacity to ask him where he'd been and if he'd please put gas back in your car. He was also that dude that would not get out of the car when you drove into a gas station, and watched you fill up the tank yourself. But I digress. Anyway, we were an on-again-off-again type of couple and on this Valentine's Day, we were OFF...
My sons were asleep and I'd just finished writing mySELF a love letter and filling up a card with positive words to encourage myself. I'd even bought myself a small bouquet of flowers. I was sitting at my dining room table re-reading my letter and card, admiring my pretty flowers, and feeling really good about myself when I heard my doorbell ring.
I was NOT happy to see him or the little bag containing chocolate, or the heart-shaped balloon he brought. It was at that very second that it all became clear to me. That I STOPPED being stupid. That my standards were raised 1000 percent. I knew EXACTLY why he was there and what he expected to get and it made me angry. Those "gifts" were a big fat INSULT to my intelligence, to my heart and to my soul. I thanked him and told him he had to go. He instantly became furious and asked why he had to go after "all that he just did for me."
He eventually left, still upset, still unsatisfied, and I continued on with my very pleasant evening...
It's weird that I would think about this today. But, I hope this story will help someone out there realize that there comes a time when you just have to stop the nonsense. Grow up, be alone, learn to love and RESPECT yourSELF. Know that there comes a time when you have to stop settling for mediocrity in your relationships. Stop allowing yourself to be used and abused. Stop being STUPID!
JUST STOP IT!!!!!
Until next time,
XOXOXO - Jessika