Tuesday, August 28, 2012
I went into Rite Aid this morning to exchange my one unopened Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain in Honey for one in Charm, which, by the way, is my new fave for everyday wear. Yet...after making my exchange, I spotted a little section that I'd never spotted before and ended up leaving with these:
The picture is kind of washing out the vibrancy of some of these colors, so I'll just tell you what they are from left to right:
HD Nails 926
Rise and Shine 940
San Francisco 802
Nail Junkie (how fitting; I swear I didn't even look at the name of this one until I got it to my desk this morning) 927
Flirting Nails 808
Daddys Girl 841
I wanna punch myself in the face...
Until Next Time,
Monday, August 27, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
My heart's a little heavy today. There's a lot going on inside of me right now that is kind of scaring me, stressing me out and all-around pressing down on my shoulders. If it weren't for the sustaining power of Jesus in my life, I'd probably run away from home or something crazier.
Please don't misunderstand me. I live a very blessed life. I'm head over heels in love with my husband and am so totally in love with my kids that sometimes I wish I could miniaturize them and carry them around in my bag so that I can take them out and kiss and squeeze them anytime I want. I don't need to wish that about my husband because we kiss and squeeze each other all day anywayz as he and I work in adjoining cubicles.
One of the major things tugging at me right now is the fact that my kids are getting older - my oldest just turned 18 for goodness sake! My oldest has been for the most part my most well-behaved child since the very beginning. (I mean, seriously, he slept through the night, every night, from the very first day I brought him home.) I don't mean to compare him to my other two kids, really, but I don't remember being so afraid for him as I am for my other two kids at this point in time. The age difference between my oldest and my two younger children is only about five years, but it seems like the things they're exposed to these days weren't big issues for my Jaylen when he was about that age.
Jada...sigh. My 12-year-old Jada is, simply put, just too beautiful and "developed" for her age; to make things "worse," she has a very trusting and sweet personality. I am constantly afraid for her because I don't want her to be taken advantage of by boys - OR girls for that matter. I wish she wasn't as open and trusting as she is...yet the very things I want to protect her from are most likely the very things that will also "teach" her to be more guarded and careful when selecting who to trust. I am praying daily that if/when she learns the lessons that will mature and sharpen her discernment, it doesn't also harden her precious heart. Of my three children, I am MOST protective of her.
Noah...sigh again. My 13-year-old Noah has unfortunately been showing signs of a rebel personality. Of my three children, he is the one who struggles the most with following the rules. I swear, it's like he feels rules simply don't apply to him. I don't get it. His selection of friends and overall decision-making have been poor at best these last couple of years, and the consequences are more serious than I ever expected, rearing their ugly heads more frequently and pointedly these last few months.
Noah had always been my most challenging child, even from pregnancy. I was put on bed rest the last two months I carried him because my doctor was afraid he'd come out of me sooner than he was supposed to (I was two cm dilated at six mos.); he refused to breast feed; he didn't sleep through the night for nearly TWO YEARS after he was born; he was in and out of the emergency room the entire first year of his life with respiratory issues aggravated by my family's smoking, forcing me to move out of my mom's house with two kids at the very tender age of 22 for fear that staying there would kill my son; and he was kicked out of at least three different daycare facilities in two years due to wild behavior like stabbing holes in leather couches with pens and chopping another little girl's beautiful hair off with scissors.
All of this was on top of the fact that he threw extremely violent temper tantrums during which he would tell me he hated me and wished he had a different mother. For some reason my writing that just now made me tear up a bit. That last thing, where he would tell me he hated me, ended at about four years old, when I'd had enough of it, yanked him up by the front of his shirt, pressed him against a wall and let him know in no uncertain terms that I was NOT some random chick on the street, I was NOT his friend, that I didn't give a flying fig newton (ok, I might have said something else beginning with an 'f'; I wasn't saved then :/) whether or not he ever loved or liked me, but that he WOULD respect me, because I am the only mother he is ever going to have.
That encounter along with weekly beatings seemed to do the trick for a while. He never verbally lashed out at me again and he became more well-behaved. He seemed to start caring about whether or not he hurt or disappointed me with his actions, and did his best to make me proud. Even on his first day of kindergarten he assured me all would be well as I stood there wringing my fingers at the classroom door. He said to me, "Don't worry, mom. It will be okay. You'll see!" This commitment to being good lasted until about two years ago...
I find that when you have a relationship with someone in which there are a lot of challenges you face together, it sort of bonds you in a way that is unlike your easier, breezier relationships. This doesn't make one relationship any better or closer or favoriter (yes, I said "favoriter;" it's in my yet-to-be-published, New Jessika's Dictionary of Made-Up Words) than the others, just different. I have a connection with Noah...the way we communicate is very different from the way I communicate with my other two children...
It's quite possible that, if I allow myself to admit it, he and I are very much alike. He looks nothing like me, so much unlike me in fact that I've had people ask, "Oh, is he yours, too?"; but, there are a lot of things I've noticed about his personality that are very much like me, like it or not. These things make me want to choke him and love him more all at the same time. Anywayz, today, Noah has again become my big challenge, and I'm needing God now more than ever so that I don't screw it up.
For those of you who pray - in Jesus' name that is - please pray for us: for my daughter, that she would get closer to God and better discern and dare to be different from her friends; for my 18-year-old son, that he would get closer to God and find his way in this next stage of his life, and make decisions that will lead him to success; for Noah, that he will get closer to God and make smarter, more God-led decisions with regard to behavior and selecting his friends; and for my husband and me, that we will remember to always seek God's face first when it comes to caring for, disciplining and instructing our children so that our parenting may be positive and effective...
THANK YOU in advance...
Until next time,
Thursday, August 16, 2012
This is so not a color I've ever liked let alone worn...but I couldn't take my eyes off of it at CVS today. It was the last one they had, too, and I simply couldn't let it stay there all by its lonesome...
Until next time,
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
I've gone back to the very first purse organizer I ever purchased, the Purseket. Having those three pouches I talked about in my What's in my Bag video left me still digging for stuff. This makes my most used items easy to see and reach when needed. Only one little pencil pouch remains holding my eye makeup, eyebrow comb and eye drops...yay!
Until next time,
Thursday, August 9, 2012
There were several celebrity couples pictured, but also a lot of pictures of regular people, which I liked - even though we have absolutely no idea whatsoever what kind of marriages the celebrities or regular people actually have.
And then...a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Chad Johnson, AKA Ochocinco and Evelyn from Basketball Wives. That did it for me; I stopped perusing the page.
I don't mean to be judgmental; I really and truly don't. However, I do take marriage very seriously. It only took the one and half episodes I watched of Basketball Wives recently to see that what those two have agreed to is not a marriage at all, let alone one in which Chad and Evelyn can be considered best friends. It can't last.
There are just some things best friends won't do to each other - and that includes MARRYING if they know they won't be able to commit to being with each other, and only with each other, every day for the rest of their lives. A best friend won't marry you even if you say that you'll be "ok" with them cheating on you on a regular basis because a best friend will see right through your desperation and instead opt to protect you and your dignity by honoring you and the friendship by saying, "NO."
But, then again, I guess it's possible for two amoral beings to be best friends and marry each other and have an existence in which just about anything goes and still live happily ever after...who knows?
However, in the real world, where normal people live, not every marriage is qualified to be defined as one in which the husband and wife are best friends - and it's not something that can be easily identified just by looking at a photograph. In fact, though I'm not an expert, I'm comfortable saying with reasonable certainty that best-friend marriages are RARE.
So, I'll have to pass on "liking" and following that Facebook page. They've missed the mark in MY book...
Until next time,
Monday, August 6, 2012
Actually, way back in the early 2000's, my sister and I lived right across the street from each other and I do recall spending time with her, though our kids were usually if not always present (we were kid-free this weekend! Yay!). Before one of us moved away, we used to take turns cooking for each other on a very regular basis. Funny thing is, I didn't even think about that fact while she was here this weekend, yet, when I saw her, I naturally wanted to cook something for her. You don't understand: I DON'T cook! I already planned earlier in the week that we'd go out to eat! Yet, before I even formulated a complete thought about what it was that I was doing, I found myself marinating chicken for her to eat...hmm...I wonder what THAT'S about!
We went through my polishes and makeup and she showed me how to apply eyeshadow, which is something I suck at and therefore rarely if ever do. We then went to a place called Hobby Lobby and found out some more things about each other simply by perusing the aisles. She and I discovered we had even more in common than we thought we did as we gravitated toward the same types of knickknacks and decor. HOW did this happen?!!!
I can't believe after all these years, the majority of which were spent living totally separate lives, we could come together at this stage and find out that we have so, so, SO much in common! She is easy to be around and to talk to and I can't wait for the deeper discoveries that lie ahead for us as our relationship continues to grow to a place that it has never been before...
Again, I am truly blessed!
Until Next Time,
Friday, August 3, 2012
1. Thinking that you should portray a casual, nonchalant attitude about the men who are pursuing you. Again, men don't like to be made to look like fools. If you treat him as though he's not important, or like he's only one of many, many men you're seeing, it will make him think you're not worth pursuing. To be clear, it is good for a man to see you as desirable to others, it's not good for him to see you as someone with whom just about anyone can spend time. The chance to spend time with you should be a privilege not easily given.
2. Accepting first invitations to go out, and/or dating "casually." Going out with a man just to have something to do is not okay. It is a waste of your very valuable time; time that should be spent taking care of your spiritual, emotional and physical (not sexual) needs, reflecting on your past relationships, pursuing or even finding your passions. If/When a man is truly interested in you, first get to know him better by talking on the phone, emailing, texting, etc. Ask questions that are important to you. If and only if he passes the preliminary "examination" if you will, and if and only if you already have plans to take a walk, meet some friends, go to a museum, or whatever, you may let him know where you're going/what you're doing and tell him he can swing by if he'd like. A man who is really interested in you will take any opportunity he can get to see you.
3. Denying that casual sex and/or "booty call" relationships are harmful to you . Ladies, you can take on the Samantha from Sex in the City attitude all you like, but a good-hearted woman wanting to love and be truly loved cannot have sex and not be affected by it. There is an exchange made with every sexual encounter you have. Every man you've been with has left something in you behind, and it happens whether or not you use a condom!!! The purest version of yourself, the one God created you to be, becomes more and more of a distant memory with each sexual partner you have; in other words, you become less and less you, and more and more a combination of all the men you've allowed into your bed. Movies like "No Strings Attached" and "Friends with Benefits" send extremely dangerous messages to women in that they give the impression that it's possible to find "true love" in a booty-call relationship. Also keep in mind that you will NEVER find true love with a booty call relationship on the side. Think of that relationship as a brick wall between you and True Love.
4. Going out of your way to find a man with whom to have a relationship without really knowing what it is you're looking for. Know what you do and don't want in a man, what you will and will not accept, before deciding to make yourself available via a dating site, service, or by visiting venues in which there are going to be a lot of single people. Here's a tip: GOOD men don't frequent "the club." They just don't. And neither do GOOD women.
5. Making the first move. There are a lot of men out there who find it very difficult to hurt a girl's feelings by saying "no." I know of some men who have even had sex with women to whom they weren't really attracted, and/or had absolutely no intention of pursuing for whatever reason. To ask a man out is an absolute waste of your time and his. DON'T DO IT!!!
6. Brushing off the warnings and "bad feelings" your friends and family give/are having with regard to the man you're with. Look, I fully recognize that there are a lot of "haters" out there, some of the biggest are among our family and friends, indeed. But, pay close attention to what the people in your life who genuinely care about you have to say. Sometimes, these very people are the only ones who can be objective about what they're seeing in you and/or in him as a result of the relationship. It's true that we're not going to be able to make everyone in our life happy, and that we and only we are the ones who need to decide whether or not the person we choose is right for us, however, you have to admit that sometimes our perceptions are tainted by the emotional ties we create with our partners. I can honestly say with that each and every time someone in my family said to me that something wasn't "right" with the person I was with, they were 100 percent correct.
7. Thinking it's absolutely necessary to have sex with a man in order to keep his interest. Honey, did you not get the memo? Draw'-droppin' women are a dime a dozen these days and no one worth having is signing up to marry a single one of them. Succumbing to the pressure of having sex with someone you're trying to get to know better and to keep around is the fastest way to LOSE him emotionally and mentally. He may stick around for a few more rounds if the sex is good, but there's nothing healthy or long-term in it. To NOT have sex is what makes you unique.
I could go on and on and on about the things we women tend to do that hinder the potential for a long-lasting relationship. But I'm going to stop now and leave you with this: I honestly believe, even after all that I've written thus far, that it isn't necessary to be in a relationship or to be married in order to live a perfectly moral, happy, and fulfilling life. I can attest to that fact myself. Interestingly, when I discovered this truth and focused on my relationship with God, my kids, and my family, love came knocking on my door - and I wasn't even looking for it, nor did I invite it (on purpose)! Yet, when I finally answered, it wasn't because I felt like I "needed" it; it was because it was a gift God sent to me that I WANTED to accept.
Until next time,
Thursday, August 2, 2012
So here came the decision. In 2002, I decided that if I didn't know how to do it right (dating), I wasn't going to do it at all! A year later, I started going to church, and during a Sunday service on my 28th BIRTHDAY, nearly a year after I started going to church, I received the Holy Ghost. All of a sudden, my entire perspective on men, dating, love and life in general really, was changed. I was able to SEE clearly everything I missed when dealing with men...
Enter the "hard-wiring" of men I spoke about in Part 1. It was revealed to me that it is in the nature of a man to hunt, conquer, lead and to be in control. Any man you meet who says he prefers for the woman to do the leading, make all the first moves and decisions, is a man who has been tainted by his environment and personal dealings either with the women in his family and/or in his dating experience and is NOT a proper candidate with whom to enter into a healthy, long-lasting relationship. STEER CLEAR of this type of man!
Men may sometimes behave as though they prefer a woman who dresses and speaks provocatively, is easy to bed, etc., but truthfully, a woman like that isn't someone a good man will be willing to put all of his money and effort into "winning." A woman like that is no prize to be won. A good man needs to know that the woman he wants isn't easy to get, and as such, will go above and beyond to show his interest and make his intents known. A good man, one who will lead his household and family lovingly and effectively, will know how to, and is not afraid to PURSUE the woman he wants. HE will make the calls, the plans, the dates. He will set the pace of the relationship and will do it in a way that is in the best interest of both himself and the woman he wants.
A good man isn't looking for a trophy, he's looking for someone he can trust. Men are generally prouder and tend to be a lot more careful with their hearts than we women are; they are less likely to fall in love with someone who has the potential to make him look like a fool. A good and very smart man will ensure that a true friendship has been established before he will pursue a romantic relationship. You, as a woman, should also demand for yourself a friendship before ever considering romance if you want to establish a bond with him that will make it a whole lot more difficult for him to be dishonest with or unfaithful to you. If you notice, men are extremely loyal to their friends - more loyal than female friends tend to be, that's for sure. If you establish a true and mutually trusting relationship with a man, AND he falls in love with you...to cheat on or hurt you in any way would crush him, and as a natural self-preserver he'd avoid it at all costs...
Please remember that even a good man won't always get everything right. If you let him, he may take advantage of a woman who lets him go too far too soon. You, as the woman in his sights, can very quickly turn a serious interest into a fleeting thought if you behave and dress in a way that appeals more to his lust than to his mind and heart.
To Be Continued...
Until Next Time,