Monday, July 30, 2012

Mistakes Women Make Part 1

Some say that there is more than one way to do just about anything and still get the desired result. I'm not so sure...

Before I go any further, please allow me to acknowledge the fact that I am no relationship guru. I cannot pretend to know all the answers to every relationship question in all of existence. I can and do only speak of my own experience, and the experiences of other women I've known over the years.

When it comes to dating and attracting the right kind of man, I think that there are some basics that can't be tweaked. I'm not naive; I know that men come in many different personalities and dispositions and "love languages," but there are foundational truths that God, for the lack of a better term, "hard-wired" into them. Yes, there are MANY ways to attract a man. Many ways even to get yourself a boyfriend. ANY woman can "get" a man. But, how many of us can keep one?

I believe that the biggest most repetitive mistake women make (myself included before I got a clue) that hinders their ability to catch and KEEP a good man is that they go into new relationships without first figuring out what went wrong in the previous ones. Think about it: if you're a woman who has a history of failed relationships, what (who) is the common denominator?

YOU are...

For those of you who may get their feathers ruffled at my alluding to the fact that you may be why your previous relationships failed, I challenge you with a question: Why did you pick him in the first place if he was such a loser? I truly believe that if you are honest with yourself about the process involved in getting yourself in your previous relationships, you will find that you did a lot if not all of the exact same things. You were dressed in the same or similar clothing, were at the same or similar type of venue, were in the same or similar state of mind, whether sober, high or drunk; had the same or similar types of thoughts and plans in your own head about where this relationship was headed, and engaged in the same or similar dating rituals that you did before.

Please don't misunderstand me. I know that even our bad relationships are a necessary part of our growth process. I mean, how will we know what we really want or how to appreciate a really good man unless we've experienced really bad ones, right? However, there comes a time when a woman should be SICK of dealing with the same kind of man and going through the same kind of pain in her relationships. A time when she has learned enough about herself and the men she's chosen to start making DIFFERENT choices - and be able to spot the losers a whole heck of a lot more quickly.

Isn't it really better to be alone than to have to deal with all of the drama? I cannot believe that there are women out there who would rather have a warm body in their bed than total peace of mind. I just don't get it. But then again, I do...

I had a lot of short term boyfriends in high school, yes, but it wasn't until bout 14 months after my first child was born that I truly became the woman described above. I was lonely and searching and compromising myself just so I could say I had a man. I was a dater without a cause so to speak. A lot of the men I dated I never became physical with; I simply used them as something to do on a weekend. However, I always felt that there was something missing, so I'd date several men at a time, choose one I'd be physical with and use the others for free meals and movies and other types of activities. For nearly two years, I had a date at least once if not twice or more times a week.

And then, I entered an on-again-off-again-three-year relationship with a man who cheated on me and abused me physically, mentally and emotionally: the man who fathered my second son. I allowed this man to do all of the awful, hateful things that all of the other men in my past did to me and then some. This relationship became the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back," forcing me to go on a quest that would eventually lead into my making the single most important and life changing decision I'd made my entire dating life...

To be continued...

Until Next Time,


Sunday, July 29, 2012

Another Something I've Never Done...

I received my first Julep Maven subscription box about two weeks ago (for a penny!), and in it was two nail polishes and a foot cream. Their nail polishes are given women's names, which I think is super cool, and I was sent Courteney (key lime green creme) and Hayden (neon peach creme). I ADORE these colors! I didn't realize just how much until yesterday.

It was time for me to redo my nails, and after looking through my 50-plus colors, I just couldn't commit to any of them. I was still, am still, very much enamored with my Courteney and Hayden; so, for the first time EVER, I RE-APPLIED the exact same colors on my nails!

You just don't understand how not-normal that is for me! I am a girl who loves to change things up on the regular because I get tired of stuff pretty quickly, especially my nail color. For me to commit to a second straight week of the same nail colors is pretty huge...

I will be getting a new box in August with some pretty interesting choices so we shall see if they move me to switch it up again. I will admit, I think I will be able to let go of Hayden a bit sooner than Courteney...I may have to select colors that will color block nicely with her because she's just too pretty to keep in a box...

It's not just the fact that she's gotten me more compliments than any other nail color I've worn, either. My favorite color is green, and it isn't easy to find a green that looks this good on the nails. The question is, will I be able to get away with wearing her in the fall?

What do you think?

Until next time,


Saturday, July 28, 2012

My Sister and Fave TV Show

My sister and I had a conversation yesterday that made me feel closer to her than I've felt in a very long time. Not because of any real "issues" we've had in the last few years, though we had some issue or another with each other when we were growing up, and pretty much for most of our lives. The last few years, however, we haven't had any major issues to speak of - that I can recall anyway:). However, simply put, she and I live very seperate lives. She's married with four children: a two year old, 11 year old, 12 year old and 15 year old, and she lives in VA. Needless to say, her family keeps her very, very busy and she barely has time to think, let alone have a conversation with her sister:). I'm nowhere near as dedicated as she is, but my husband, our three kids and I have a pretty busy life of our own, and we live in MD.

Somehow, the fact that I've started blogging and asking her opinion on the youtube videos I created resulted in a stronger bonding experience for us. She's actually really fun to talk to, even about girly makeup and other stuff, which really shouldn't surprise me because she has three daughters and her entire life is all about girly stuff for the most part!

My sister also writes and creates videos to review products when she has some time. The very first video I saw her do, however, was for a contest related to Coca Cola and Crowdtap. That was an eye-opening experience for me because it was through that video that I discovered how very similar our mannerisms were when speaking or otherwise expressing ourselves. We both have relatively serious dispositions but we do have our super goofy, silly sides as well.

I am committed to making the effort, at LEAST once a month, to spend some real one-on-one time with her, away from our hubbies and our kids. I know we can help each other in more ways than one if/when we stay connected and spend some quality time. I'm actually really, really looking forward to that!!

(Please support my sister on her blog and youtube channel:

While speaking to her, we were giving each other ideas about what we can write about in our respective blogs. The goal is to inspire each other to write more frequently by choosing similar or the same topics and commit to writing about them around the same time. This week's topic, though not very serious, is our favorite TV shows...

MY favorite TV show is MasterChef.

I love this show for several reasons. One, Gordon R. isn't constantly cursing and upset on this show. In fact, he's not even the "mean" one on the show at all. That role has been taken by Joe B., who actually can be overly brutal in his criticism, tear your hopes and dreams to shreds, and break you down to tears, without even raising his voice. That takes MasterSkill. I know I shouldn't like that because sometimes he does go way, way overboard, almost like he purposely keeps going until he has seen a few tears drop before he stops, and it makes me feel super sorry for the people he's criticizing, but still...

This is the only reality-competition show that actually makes me cry nearly every single time. Some of the contestants have literally quit their day jobs and are so riding on this show to change the whole course of their lives! And I love that most of the people who compete are regular stay at home moms and dads and regular people with nine-to-five jobs who also happen to love cooking as well.

And some of the contestant reactions!!! They are sometimes among the most heartbreaking I've ever seen. I don't necessarily "like" to see that, but it does move me to tears as well. In other words, I love this show because it moves me, and though they don't even show anything about what happens behind the scenes, there's something about the way this show is done that makes you really, really love a contestant or really really dislike one...and that's right up my alley; no luke-warmness for me:)

My favorites this year are Monti, Christine and Frank. I did like and was rooting very much for Josh consistently before he was eliminated - I didn't think he should have been included in the challenge that got rid of him in the first place - however, when he was brought back after winning a second chance challenge, something about his personality had become ugly, and I don't like it. I don't like to see "bitterness" in a man, which is what I think is behind the new ugliness due to his being unfairly eliminated in the first place. It makes him look weak.

Frank...sigh...okay, I will admit that one of the reasons I like Frank is because he's pretty darn good looking. I won't use the words "hot as he**" out of respect for my husband and Jesus:). But, what really makes me like him is that he is a quietly confident contestent. He exudes total confidence, but he cooks his butt off to back it up. He also seems to have a really good head on his shoulders, and seems trustworthy in that I believe he will ensure that if/when he gets his chance to run a restaurant, it will succeed. of the reasons I love me some Monti is that she is CONSTANTLY proving people wrong!!! Even I will sit there thinking, "How in the world is she going to pull this off? She's a stay at home mom!" and she just nails the tasks put before her pretty much every freakin' time!! I love how driven and focused she is, too. She's got a little bit of a "mouth" on her sometimes, but her attitude is one of the other reasons I love her. She isn't "catty" and she doesn't dislike people or say negative things about people just for the sake of saying them. She's usually REACTING to the crap people say about her - I'm not saying that that's "okay," but still...She seems to be extremely in love with her son, Danger, too; and, I love that she goes out of her way to cook for him in the way that she says she does. I love her look as well; she almost looks like one of those 50's moms with her red lipstick and big hair. Love, love, love me some Monti!

Christine...I mean, HELLO? She's freakin' blind and still delivers amazing food! She hasn't been too consistent lately, however, so I worry she won't be around too much longer; but, how can you not truly admire someone who refuses to be counted out or discouraged by her handicap?

My prayer is that one of the three people above win the whole thing this year. I'd be completely happy with either one of them. And for those that don't win, I truly hope and pray and will continue to hope and pray even after the show is over that they will succeed in achieving their culinary goals! They each most assuredly deserve it!

Until Next Time,



Thursday, July 26, 2012

Youtube Videos...

So, I was in the car again this morning and was in the mood to create a video that actually turned into two videos. I don't know yet if either of them will be posted.

I (used to, GRR) like to ask my husband to review my videos before I post them...however, he didn't very much like the second video I did this morning because I talked too much about makeup. He said there wasn't enough mention about real life - or my blog for that matter - and that it was too reminiscent of one of those "beauty blogs." (Honestly, sometimes it feels like if it were up to my husband, I'd leave the house bare-faced every day).

In my "debut" youtube video, I mentioned up front that I am in no way trying to be a "beauty blogger" - this remains TRUE, by the way - yet, while I recognize that there is a deep, meaningful story and message behind my personal life, I'm still a regular human female being who is interested in several different things - including some makeup items. Am I to repress the girly-girl in me and stay all about the deep stuff?

I think the issue here is the lack of "definition" to what it is I'm doing, and why it is I'm doing it. I think my husband thought that my sole purpose for starting to write again was to warm myself up for writing my book and to reach out to women to encourage and inspire them. And truth be told, that IS a big part of my reason; however, this is also about opening myself up again. To re-learn how to openly express myself and share my thoughts, whatever they might be.

As previously mentioned in another post, I don't have any in-my-face-all-the-time female friends. Sometimes I just feel like talking mindlessly about stupid stuff like makeup and purses and other girly things. I don't have anyone to do that with - but there is a huge number of women on youtube who love to do just that. I think that's why I like watching those videos; they make me feel like there's an actual girl-friend in front of me chatting away. Not all of the girls I watch talk ONLY about beauty and fashion. Some just like to talk about their days, how they're feeling, what their future plans are, etc.

Back in the day, I had this group of girlfriends that I'd met on a forum that was attached to a private blogging site of which I was a member. These girls and I used to start up random conversations as a group via email first thing in the morning that lasted the entire work day. A lot of times it was all laughs and fun, but sometimes we got deep and personal about stuff. There was no sugar-coating with these girls. We could open up and talk about anything. These daily exchanges were a release to me that somehow made it easier to write in my blog about my daily life, observations I've made, my perspective on said observations and soooo much more...

Shortly after the group "broke up," for reasons I'm having trouble recalling at the moment, I kind of lost my "itch" to write on a daily basis - hey! See, I just NOW made that connection! I've been trying to figure out for years what really happened to me and why I stopped writing and it was in my being able to reflect and express myself HERE that I've just figured it out! THIS IS WHY I NEED to keep doing what I'm doing. THIS IS HOW my change, growth and enlightenment will continue in a POSITIVE direction!

I think I will post both videos anywayz. And I am not going to edit a thing!!!!! I don't think it's a coincidence that since I started filming videos, I have been more inspired to write in my blog more often. Again, these videos allow me to speak to an audience, even if only currently "imagined," thereby releasing something in me, making it easier to write. I so love this!!!!

I am a complex individual. Some say they have many layers but I like to think of myself as having many "facets," like a diamond:). I have many sides, but I have repressed a great majority of them for many, many years. It is only when I feel completely free that I know the really deep and meaningful stuff will be able to flow through me more easily - so, THANK YOU, readers, for choosing to go on this journey with me...

Until next time,



Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Greedy Verizon

So, I'm with Verizon, right? I've been with them for like five years now and I have upgraded my phone at least once a year, most times twice a year, as I have five lines I like to play around with when it comes to upgrading...not to mention I get bored with my cell phones pretty quickly.

ANYWAYZ, I felt the itch again today to upgrade and actually really liked a phone that would have been free with my instant discounts and whatnot. HOWEVER, I add the phone to my cart and I find out that my unlimited data plan, for which I currently pay $29.99/month is no longer available, so if I want to upgrade, I have to pay a ridiculous amount more to get a larger data plan that STILL isn't unlimited, or pay the same amount for a bull-crap minimalist data plan.


They are also charging a $30 upgrade fee. So let me get this straight: I have to pay those people for the "privilege" of extending my contract another two years so that I can get a discounted phone - and of course the cancellation fee should I choose to end said contract is still upwards of $300! For ALL of this, I also get the extra special treatment of losing the most inexpensive and useful data plan they have ever offered. That sounds fair, right? I had to call them because I simply couldn't believe what I was seeing; as it turns out, these changes were implemented within the last 30 days or so. Yippee.

Needless to say, I did not move forward with my upgrade. Sigh. I guess my Droid Incredible 2 and I will have to stay together a while longer.

Until Next Time,




Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Coming Out Of My Shell

I did something I thought I'd never do today...I posted a youtube video of myself. I introduced myself to the world as Mrsmorphosis in the hopes that it would persuade more people to read my blog. I find that when you know the face or voice behind someone, it makes you more likely to care enough to also read what they have to say. We shall see if my evil plan works! LOL! Here's the video:

I feel badly about not having written in nearly a week. This past weekend was busy and the last couple of days last week were spent preparing for it.

My husband had his artist's reception on Saturday evening at the Huntington Community Center, Bowie, MD, where his art is still hanging and will be on display through the month of August. I would have liked to see more people there, but I thoroughly enjoyed the guests we did get to entertain. I didn't focus on what people thought about how I looked and instead focused on making sure that everyone present felt welcome and comfortable. It was a liberating experience for me, as it has been a while since I've been to a social gathering (I usually avoid them like the plague, even my husband's events) due to my former insecurities. I am a loving and beautiful person inside, and that part of me has been hidden for way too long because of my stinkin' thinkin'. Screw that! I'm fabulous! LOL!

At the same event, my daughter, Jada, launched her cupcake company, Epic Cakes 101. We helped her bake nearly all night on Friday and she woke up like four hours after she went to bed to continue baking. She is so dedicated to what she's doing that she inspires ME to do better with my life! Her cupcakes received rave reviews and she's already got more orders for cupcakes she'll need to deliver in the coming weeks! Please look for Epic Cakes101 on Facebook:

My husband is an amazing artist, and can be found on Facebook as well:

Well, look at me being all promotional and whatnot this evening! LOL! I need to sign off now and wash my frizzy mop.

Until next time,



Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Women, Men, Relationships

I was going through my old mailbox and found a response I wrote to a blog written by a former friend back in 2006! I don't remember what she wrote about, but I thought my response was pretty darn good! So here it is for all who care to read it:

I think men are more forthcoming about themselves than most women care to realize. Men aren't as skilled in "hiding the truth about themselves" as women are - primarily because they don't really HAVE to be. If more women would step outside of the little rosy world we have a tendency to create for ourselves when we've become interested in someone, then we'd see all of the flashing warning signs a man's actions and/or words very clearly display more times than not.

Men are also USUALLY very good about VERBALIZING what it is they want and don't want - but women like to filter out what we don't want to hear/see and hear/see only the "pretty parts." Sometimes it's the opposite though: Men tend to SAY all of the lovey dovey stuff but their actions indicate very different desires and interests.

Examples: Women in "booty call" relationships are told frequently by the man that he is not interested in a committed relationship and/or he will never leave his wife/girlfriend, but because the sex is so good, the woman stays and imagines in her head that a man who could sex her THAT good is OBVIOUSLY in love with HER and, if she patiently waits it out, he will realize that he loves her and will commit to her...eventually. Her focus is on the good sex and times they have together, NOT on what he's actually SAYING to her...

Then you have the guy who says he's in love and wants to spend his life with her and that she's everything he's looking for in a relationship...and yet he's got all of these female "friends" he can't seem to let go of. He doesn't call or show up when he's supposed to. He isn't very attentive and/or doesn't appear too interested in what she really has to say. He may disappear often and she can't really guarantee that when she calls/makes a date, he'll be available to her. Her focus, however, stays on all of the pretty WORDS he says and not what his actions very clearly indicate: He's not that into her.

I wish we women spent more time digging into the parts we play in our failed love relationships and less time on what manipulative "dogs" the men "turned out to be." I think it'd be more productive and useful when we decide to engage in future relationships. Also, I think if we do this, we'd find that what pissed us off the MOST was not what the man "said/did," but instead on how our desparation for a relationship made us skip the important steps and ignore the important aspects of the men we focused our attention on.

That's my two cents:).

Until next time,



Monday, July 16, 2012


I've been a little bit of a basket case these last several days. My mood has been up and down and all the way around. It's possible that I've settled down a bit as of yesterday afternoon/early evening.

I find that the more "blah" I feel, the more time I waste on bull-crappery like trash television and the online games I'm clearly already sick of, but cling to when I'm feeling..."blah."

I've recently had the extreme displeasure of experiencing several episodes of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. They were so trashy, so gut-wrenchingly awful, that I feel compelled to catch the newest episode coming on tonight. I don't know, I feel like if I look hard enough at the television at Stevie J, he will spontaneously combust and therefore, instantly improve the air quality of all the earth and the plight of all humanity...

I am tempted to continue to talk about how absolutely, positively DISGUSTING that man is, and how WRETCHED Joseline is, and how GROSS Lil' Scrappy is, but I must refrain if I am to maintain my know what? I just made up my mind. I WILL NOT watch another episode of that trash. Any show that, at the very thought of it, makes me snarl and feel sick to my stomach should probably not make it into my weekly rotation. My eyes and ears deserve better in life.

I actually really enjoyed church yesterday, which hasn't happened in a really long time. I was particularly impacted by the message spoken by our Minister Jim. Without going too deeply into it, he spoke on how God has blessed us with pretty much everything He's ever going to bless us with, but that we have a tendency not to believe or walk in it. Things like, patience, love, peace, good health, etc., were already placed in us upon becoming saved. I AM healed because I WAS healed (1Peter 2:24), I can give love because the One who IS love (1John 4:8) resides within me (1John 4:4), and all that fun jazz:). He also spoke on how we need to speak more of the Word into our lives and declare the things God says about us out loud, even if the actual manifestation of those things aren't yet apparent to others or to yourself...

The reason Min. Jim's message stuck out to me the most is because I have (had) a tendancy to beat myself up a lot. I can (used to) forgive everyone else in the world much more quickly than I can (used to) forgive myself, and sometimes, the things that I do (did) make (made) my insides quake at the thought that I'm going to go to hell because of them. Every snappy remark, every raise of my voice, every ungodly thought, is (was) instantly met with a barrage of inner voices telling me what a faithless, godless woman I am, how much I deserve to go to hell, blah, blah, blah.

But you know WHAT???

Those voices don't belong to me and more importantly, they are NOT of God. God knows that I am not perfect, but that doesn't change what He did for me and what He has promised. He put a lot of beautiful things and plans into me that up until now, I've been much too insecure to believe and WALK in. From now on, I shall REBUKE those nasty filth-talking voices and replace them with the WORD of TRUTH.

The devil should consider himself firmly planted back UNDER MY FEET, which is where he has and always will belong!


Until next time,



Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Lost in Youtube

I was a little lost in YouTube today, mostly watching LeighAnnSays. She's so goofy sometimes, I really like that. 

I'm going to share a couple of pics today of two of my favorite things. One, is the nail polish I'm currently wearing, Wet n Wild Fast Dry Nail Color, Saved by the Blue - LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this polish! The top coat I'm using is Seche Vite Dry Fast Top Coat.

This picture was taken on Monday morning, but I polished my nails on Saturday evening. I was already tired of the scented polish from Revlon that I had on earlier last week. 

This second picture is one of my most favorite bags in my collection. I love this bag so much that I just bought a second one in the exact same color because it was on clearance for half price and I wanted to have a "back up" for when this one got old and raggedy. I literally snatched up the very last one at the clearance price! You can still find this bag for a very reasonable price on EBay in black, brown, or steel blue.

This is a satchel by V Couture by Kooba. It's Kooba's "vegan leather" line, in other words, their fake leather line, which of course, is much more cost effective than any of their leather bags. Pay no mind to the extra strap you see behind the bag. I just added it from another bag so that it would hang longer on me than it does when I just use the included chain strap. Though this bag is not leather, it really looks like it! Especially in person. It is the closest dupe to real leather visually and texturally that I've yet to experience. Love it!

That is all I have time to post at the moment, as it's time for me to leave the office!

Until next time,



Monday, July 9, 2012

Daily Distractions

This morning started terribly. Sigh. Long story short, I got caught in the rain for far longer than I cared to be and it left a chill in my bones that was only accentuated by the blasting air conditioner at work - NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING! I'd much rather be cold than hot, that's for sure...and that's what I've been aaaaall daaaaay loooong...

I've been lost all day in work and in watching (mostly listening to) season two episodes of Downton Abbey on Hulu. I'm obsessed with the British accent, the history, virtually any and everything British. I pray to visit England at least once before I die:).

I've been having difficulty thinking about what to write, but I know why. I've kind of got myself distracted by Facebook games and Youtube and Hulu videos. Currently, my favorite people to watch on Youtube are Grav3yardgirl, FleurdeForce, Leighannsays and of course, Eleventhgorgeous. When I first saw Grav3yardgirl, I was thrown off by the way she girl looked WEIRD!!!!! BUT, after listening to her talk, and watching her $20 makeup challenge video, I was HOOKED! This girl is cuh-ray-zee funny, do you hear me? She is ridiculously smart, articulate, strange, and...strange. She really is a unique creature and there is nothing else I've ever watched on Youtube that can be compared to the creature who calls herself Bunny. She's even made my husband, who can make the world laugh, but rarely can be made to laugh himself, bust out in laughter within 60 seconds of watching her! Love, love, love Bunny! LOL!

I am starting to get bored of the two games I play, but one still has a tendency to keep me reeled in for longer periods of time than is healthy for an adult human being to spend playing games. I feel like it's time for me to let that part of my life go but habit still has me a little stuck. I've been playing one game or another nearly religiously since February of 2009.

My first game "love" was Superpoke Pets (SPP for short). I've never been as addicted to a game as I was to SPP. However, as of March 2012, the game was discontinued. They'd announced that they were going away I think nearly a year before they officially shut down, and since the announcement, I found myself less and less interested or committed every day. By the time it was shut down, I was nearly "over" it, but to be honest, I still miss the way the game used to be before the planned and then eventual shut-down...sigh...

About a month or so after it shut down, I discovered Pet City. I like it. It's cuter and in many, many ways, much more advanced and all-around better than SPP, but it isn't as "simple" as SPP was. I will admit that I think my Pet City pet is a hundred times cuter than my SPP ever was, but still...I'm starting to get less and less interested in the game every day. Again, through no fault of the awesome game itself, I really just feel like I need to be doing something else...something more meaningful with my spare time...

I also discovered the Sims Social on Facebook, funnily enough, at the recommendation of my husband. He knew I was bummed about SPP shutting down and thought I'd enjoy playing the Sims Social as a replacement. Even he played it for a while, but with the slowness of the game and the ever-present glitchiness, he stopped. I didn't. That game is "the devil" I tell you. I really shouldn't play it at all. It really is terribly glitchy and it's impossible to report an issue and they're constantly finding ways to make it impossible to complete quests unless you spend real money, which, though I did spend quite of bit of real money in the beginning, I REFUSE to do any longer. It's one thing to advertise to, and encourage your players to support the game by spending real money on virtual items, but it's quite another to make your players feel like they HAVE to do it if they have even a fraction of a chance in completing one "quest" or another. To top it off, to expect people to spend real money on a game that makes it virtually impossible to report an issue, and even if/when you do, impossible to receive a response let alone a fix, is just plain ridiculous.

About a year ago, I started watching videos on Youtube called "What's in my bag." I don't even know what got me started on those to be honest, but I just adored them. It is through those videos, unfortunately (or luckily depending on how you look at it) that my handbag content has greatly increased. From bandaids to aspirin to mini lovely-scented hand sanitizers and more, my bag is pretty darn stuffed. I think my single favorite "What's in my bag" video was done by the girls of Eleventhgorgeous. It was the first video I'd ever seen of theirs, and they did the whole thing in cute country accents. I actually thought they WERE country. When I watched other videos of theirs, I was confused and a little disappointed because their accents were gone - they sounded so adorable! - but I found much more to adore about them, so I subscribed:).

One thing I noticed about those "What's in my bag" videos is that most of the women had a bunch of junk just randomly thrown in there. How in the world do they ever find anything? I used to be one of those women, I suppose, until I discovered one of the most amazing inventions ever made: the purse organizer. There are tons of different types out there, but my top two favorites are called Chameleon and Pursfection. The Chameleon USED to be my one and only favorite, however, though the extra large tall narrow organizer had the most perfect pocket placement to suit my specific needs, the organizer lacked structure and the material was too flimsy and frayed too easily to justify the price point. My favorite to use right now is the Pursfection 23-pocket organizer. It's big enough to hold all my junk and because most of my bags are so huge, it fits in most all of the ones I bother to carry on a daily basis. It is also plenty-structured, which I need, because most of my bags are mushy. No woman on earth should ever have to struggle with finding junk in her bag when there are so many organizational options out there. And switching out bags, which I LOVE to do, is soooooo easy!!!

Look at me sounding like a commercial over here! LOL! I think I've written enough for tonight. I pray that you are all well, hydrated, cool and healthy!

Until next time,



Friday, July 6, 2012

My Kids

When the decision was made to start writing again, I thought that it would be important to also announce to everyone the availability of each new post. I've changed my mind...

I have already talked too much about things that I've NEVER, EVER posted publicly, like EVER, and it's not like I'm all of a sudden comfortable with putting myself out there like this to begin with - but please don't misunderstand me. I do want to have readers. It's just that which each new announcement, it feels as though I'm begging people to be interested in me! LOL! That's simply not who I am.

So, if you happen to stumble upon my blog and feel like reading, WELCOME! I'm so happy you came:).

Too Hot!!!
It's been hot as - in the DC area these past few days. I'm NOT a fan of the heat for several reasons. One of the top reasons being that I prefer to wear my hair down, and in this heat, it's nearly impossible to do so without looking and FEELING crazy. I have a LOT of hair, curly and crazy hair, and I love it. I am not a fan of ponytails and buns because they tend to hurt, due to the weight of my mop. I also want to do everything possible to avoid receding my hairline!!

My Sons
I'll be going to a baby shower tomorrow for one of my husband's cousins - great-cousins actually. I, being the "bag lady," had to instantly pick up the only bag-item on her registry, a black, super chic diaper bag. I don't remember diaper bags looking so cool back when I had babies to take care of - but then again, I never looked, as I wasn't as obsessed with bags as I've been this past year. I literally carried around the one given to me by the hospital at the time, a white one trimmed in pale blue, I think, with pastel colored animals all over it.

I don't miss having babies and I don't want any more, but I miss when my boys were babies. I would quite literally do it all over again - with them - if I had the chance. There is so much I would have done differently. I recently had a crying fit that just came out of nowhere because of how badly I felt about the mistakes I made with them.

They are good boys, but there are some things about their personalities that make me feel terrible because I know I helped to make it so because of the things I did and DIDN'T do. I don't want to go into details because this is my blog, not theirs, and it's not my place to go telling the world personal things about my growing sons, who, for those who don't know, are 17 (Jaylen) and 13 (Noah). I love them so very much and of all of the things I regret in life, I don't for one fraction of a second regret having them as sons.

If only we lived in a magical world where you could go back in time and live your life all over again with the knowledge and wisdom you have gained...sigh...

My Daughter
I didn't want to end this post without mentioning my 12-year-old daughter, Jada. There are people out there who I'm sure don't agree with or like the way Jada and I address or refer to each other in each other's presence or in conversation with others. You should know that nothing about our relationship was planned or expected, it simply happened naturally and felt right.

While I didn't give birth to Jada, and she has a mother and I'm married to her father, she is, for all intents and purposes, my daughter. It has never and will never feel right to refer to her as my "step-daughter." I have never asked her to call me "mommy," but she does. When she first started doing it, at least a full year before Jason and I even got married (we'll be married two years in August), it shocked me and caught me very much off guard. I immediately started to tell her she really didn't have to do that. She said she wanted to because it felt "right" to her. I provide for, think about, love and feel as much a part of Jada as I do my boys. We've been a part of each other's lives for SEVEN YEARS!

There was a time, years ago, when Jason and I were still dating and were having the biggest fight we've ever had - outside in the rain, no less! We were quite literally on the verge of breaking up. I struggled about the impending break up with thoughts about the fact that I have belonged to Jason in one way or another since December of 2004. My family loved him, my boys loved him, I still, at that very angry moment, loved him! But,none of that tugged at my heart as painfully as the very thought of leaving Jada. I simply couldn't do it...

As a girl, there is something about the thought of hurting Jada's feelings that makes me feel worse on the inside than sometimes I feel even about hurting my boys' feelings. NOT that I purposely aim to hurt either of my children, of course. But I find myself for the most part being more careful with her because I know what it's like to be a young girl. We are so full of different thoughts and emotions, and we take so much more into ourselves from our surroundings than boys seem to do...

Anyway, this got a little more personal than I expected and it even made me tear up a lil' bit while writing...


Until next time,



Monday, July 2, 2012

Mind Trickery

I'm still at work. It's been pretty busy today. I've only just gotten the opportunity to write...though, I have no idea what this entry will be about...

The power in our neighborhood was restored yesterday morning, praise the Lord! We spent the night in a very nice and cool basement on Saturday night. I got to church superly duperly late, which isn't out of the ordinary for me, unfortunately. I always seem to find something to do that will further delay my arrival at church on Sunday morning. One of the many things I do that annoy me, but that I continue to do anyway.

I spent the majority of my late afternoon and evening yesterday watching romantic comedies. The parts in which the girl was hurting, getting disappointed or heartbroken by a man, brought back painful memories. Yet...part of me almost "missed" the agony of being single and heartbroken. Call me ridiculous, but I did. It kind of scared me a little bit that I would feel this way, especially since I've been blessed beyond comprehension in the love department. It's just the sort of mind trickery that the devil would use, trying to make me think it's better to be single and hurting than to be married and loved unconditionally.


It reminds me of the times when I would pass run-down neighborhoods and suddenly find myself "wishing" I could live there, and/or missing my old run-down neighborhoods. Somehow these thoughts are more familiar, comfortable to me...

You will find as I continue to write that things pop into my head on occasion that don't make any sense. I seem to be in perpetual conflict with who I was, who I am, who I wish to be, and who I'm "supposed" to be. I pray to somehow make sense of all of these versions of myself, dispose of the ones that no longer matter and cling tightly to the ones that do, or better yet, pick ONE and stick to it so that I can be confident and consistent in who I am...

Until then, however, I will continue to ponder...

Until next time,