Being Single

Came across this article today:

http://justinmcampbell.net/2012/12/13/the-church-doesnt-get-singleness/

Here was my response, in case it doesn't make it past the moderation stage:):

"I can agree to a lot that you’ve stated. However, I think it’s sad that a lot of the same singles who complain about all of the above also can’t or won’t stand to hear or heed advice from married people about being single and how to date effectively (effectively, meaning, getting on the path to marriage) if that’s all they are focused on at this point in their lives. As if we marrieds were BORN married, never dated, never had to trust and “wait on God,” never had to struggle with abstaining from sex, etc. I can see why singles would refuse to take advice from people decades older than them, who have been married forever and were single in much “simpler” times, but, some are so stuck in their, “no one understands what it’s like to be single; poor me!” attitudes – to the point of childishness – that they refuse to listen even to newly engaged or newly married people.

Jesus was single! And so were his disciples. Maybe singles should read more about them. And when I was single (I’ve only been married two years), my focus was not on dating, but on family and friendships – but more importantly, on my relationship with GOD. It just so happened that my contentment with being single in the world yet in a committed relationship with Christ led to my being pursued by my best male friend who I’d known for three years before we started dating, and three more years before we were married.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct[a] your paths.

Luke 12:29 “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, NOR HAVE AN ANXIOUS MIND. 30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things[c] shall be added to you.

Marriage isn’t EVERYTHING. OUR church barely talks about it, but I know some like to shove it down the congregation’s throat. ALL of our focus, whether or not we’re married, should be on how to be better Christians PERIOD. When you find your contentment in and with and THROUGH God alone, none of anything spoken about in the content of this article, nor any of the other nonsense we see and hear every day will cause such outrage or anxiety, because your peace and all that you need will come from your Guide within, and scriptures will have new revelation for you to help you in your SINGLE walk with God.

Philippians 4:11-12 11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need."

I think back, again, to when I was single. I was fine with it. I really was. But you know what else I was that I didn't realize at the time? I was BITTER and NOT READY to be married anyway, so it was a darn good thing I was fine with it. It wasn't until God led Jason to pursue me that I realized just how NOT READY I was...

There are a lot of BITTER single women out there. Goodness, if I'd started my friendship with Jason showing just how BITTER I obviously still was, he never would have seen enough in me to want to pursue me in the first place, even as a friend. As his friend, however, I didn't have to exhibit those bitter parts of myself so much. But when he asked about my past relationships, I was honest; and he spent a lot of time asking questions and listening to my stories, patiently and lovingly.

Even when I first started dating Jason, and started thinking about the prospect of our getting married, it took a darn long time for it to settle comfortably in my head. I mean, I knew it wouldn't be right for me to date someone forever (though I kind of considered it), especially someone who let it be known right away that the end result would have to be marriage if he were to call me his girlfriend in the first place. It's just that I'd never seen a happily married couple unless it was on a sitcom. In addition, I was so messed up emotionally from all the junk I went through with other men, that it took several years for me to let all of that go.

I tell you, no good man wants to be with an angry, sarcastic and all around bitter woman. You don't have to look like a model in the face or body to get someone to love you unconditionally, to want to marry you. But you can't be less than aesthetically pleasing AND a jerk and yet have the nerve to blame men for being "too stupid" to "see a good thing" in you. 

Use your single time to take personal inventory of where you are emotionally, mentally, and even socially. LET GO and LET GOD reveal to you all that can use some fixin'. If you have a nasty attitude, drink too much, suffer from other addictions, are a user of people, are chronically sarcastic and/or mean-spirited, are quick to become angry, are easily offended or offensive, often misinterpret people's good intentions for you, etc., you're NOT READY to receive the kind of Love from a GOOD man that only God will prepare especially for His daughters - and you have no one to blame but yourself.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Vacation

So, I've decided, five days since I last wrote something, that I'm on writing-vacation. I haven't had much on my mind worth writing about.

Christmas is only five days away...wow. I haven't done much shopping, so I'll be one of the dummies out this weekend doing the best I can in the short amount of time that I have. I wish I didn't have to buy presents for anyone other than those in my household. There's so much that I want to get them, but what I'm about to do this weekend is probably going to take away from that - no, no, no! I refuse to let it. I will shop smart and easy this weekend; it'll be fine, I'm sure:)

Also, I don't do Christmas on credit cards. When it's all over, I want it to STAY over, and not continue paying for my shopping well into the new year.

My goal for next Christmas is to shop little by little throughout the year so that I don't have to deal with all of it at once. Less stress, less guilt over spending so much money at one time.

We now return to my writing break.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Unexpected Blessing

Our train ride home from work yesterday was unexpected. Jason ran into a friend of his that used to work in our office a few years back. Usually, when we see her, the conversation is short in that we only exchange pleasantries on our way to our seats or out the doors. This time, we sat right behind her without even realizing it. It wasn't until we'd settled in our seats that Jason noticed who was right in front of us, and he tapped her shoulder to get her attention.

We ended up talking all the way until we reached our stop, which comes before hers does. It started out light; you know, how are you doing; are you ready for the holidays; what are you plans, etc. etc. Shortly after I casually returned to my game of Angry Birds Seasons while Jason and she continued talking, I felt a light tap on my knee; my husband wanted my attention because our friend has just asked a question we've been asked before: How do you know when you should transition a friendship into a relationship?

For those who don't know, Jason and I were friends for years before we became an actual couple, so we are sometimes asked about how that happened by other people - women - thinking about doing the same thing.

My initial response to our friend was simple: The GUY does the leading (this piece of advice never changes in my book). But as she continued to give us more details, I found all kinds of words coming out of my mouth that I didn't even think about before they left my tongue - and she found them insightful and helpful to her situation.

Every situation is different because people - where they've been, what they've experienced - are different. God somehow gave me exactly what she needed to hear. I know it was God because I'd never said those words to anyone before. The advice given was unique to her situation. She asked if we'd considered ministering to other couples and invited us to her church.

After leaving our friend, Jason and I started talking about what she suggested. We came to the conclusion that we're not built for marriage counseling. For goodness sake, we've only been married for two years! What do we know?! :) We have a whole lot to learn in that regard. One thing that I do feel I have to offer - to Christian women in particular - is dating advice. The rules that apply to the "world" out there do not apply to God's daughters. His expectations are much higher for us because the men He has for us are also held to a higher standard. The standard He holds for us is not related to makeup application, education, clothing selection or income, but LOVE. God's hope for us is to be loved as close as possible to the way that He loves us. The way a man loves a woman has to remind her not only that there IS a God, but also of just how much God loves her. If it doesn't, it's not for us.

God's love is unconditional, consistent, without excuses or shame, and eternal. Any man who places conditions on his love for you, is unreliable, makes excuses for why you can't be together and/or who is ashamed to call you HIS is not a man worthy of your heart or hand in marriage or any kind of relationship. We as women need to recognize when it's time to let go of a man who is unwilling or unable to display this kind of love toward us. The longer we put off the separation, the longer it will take for our TRUE mate to find us - even if that TRUE mate is the one you have to let go in the first place.

Yes, I said it.

It's possible that you may be responsible for a good thing going BAD. A good man, who COULD love you, may be too comfortable with getting away with putting in little effort yet reaping great rewards: sex, cohabitation, gifts, one-sided commitment, unlimited time, etc. Sometimes, a man needs to be made uncomfortable in order to fully realize his love-potential. To get himself mentally and spiritually prepared to make necessary changes, unselfishly take himself out of the equation, and recognize that his truest desire, what will make him truly happy, is to give the woman he loves what she truly wants and deserves: his whole heart, and the commitment that backs it up: marriage.

Don't go thinking that every loser you wish wasn't a loser is going to come back a winner and give you what you want after you've executed your decision to let him go. Think about your Father in heaven and the way He loves you and pursues you. Be settled in that, and you'll always know in your heart and spirit that for as long as your life remains in His hands, only a God-given love will do...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Parenting is Tough

There's no doubt that parenting is harder when you actually pay attention to, love and care about the futures of your children. I've also found that the older I get, the more in love with and interested in my children I've become. I'm not so sure how good that is. My prayer is that I'll learn to pull away when I need to, when they become functioning adults, and allow them to make - and prayerfully learn from - their own mistakes.

Having said all that, I've had an emotional last few days. The weird thing is that the emotion that has followed the few incidents that occurred this week took me by surprise. After disciplining and talking to my kids about their behavior, I'd go to be alone and then all of sudden find myself crying about it...

The only thing that calms me down is remembering my faith in God. There's only so much I can do as a parent. I have to remember that God is there every second of every day with them. He'll see so much more than I'll ever see, and therefore, I trust that He'll fill in the voids that my parenting leaves behind.

(In Jesus' name, AMEN...)

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Thought For the Day, the Week, the LIFE...

God loves us "just the way we are" because He still sees us just the way HE made us, which is PERFECT, not the way we've allowed the world, our hurts, our demons, our pains, our WILL, our sins, and circumstances to transform us. In other words, we're better than we think we are - we just need to start WALKING in it. #nomoreexcusestoactafool

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

New Beginnings

I don't even know where to start. There is so much going on in our household, in our lives, that I can't help but to be excited!

THANK YOU, GOD, FOR CHOOSING OUR FAMILY EVEN BEFORE WE CHOSE YOU!!!

I don't want to allow too much information out into the public because not everyone likes to see a sista happy and moving forward and living inside the will and way of GOD! But, for those of you who do support me and pray the best for me, please keep our family in prayer as God is doing mighty, mighty things for and through us!

I can actually feel and clearly see now that life is meant to be driven more by purpose than by emotion or "plans" or "self." We have received very clear visions, that could only have come from God, that my husband and I look forward to achieve for the glory of God and God alone!

Right living has never become more important. And those who are out to use and abuse simply don't have any room to place themselves in our lives. Our prayer is that we are sent people who NEED God and love and who could truly benefit from and who WANT TO BE CHANGED by the God-given love we have to show them.

God has finally been placed above everything and everyone in my life. Above family, friends, worldly expectations, everything...and it feels RIGHT.

He is my Guide and my Judge...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Ahh, That Was Nice...

An entire three days without having to write:). I almost wrote yesterday, but, I found the words stuck in my chest, unable to be released. Probably because it isn't time to release them yet. So, today's topic will be something different.

I spent a lot of my weekend thinking about relationships and how they can be changed over time. As a Christian, you are supposed to think about and regard others more highly than you do yourself. This is hard to do in a world that teaches you to put yourself above all, but it's something that I - and even more so, my HUSBAND - try to practice at all times. We're also very quick and willing to forgive transgressions easily. I PERSONALLY attribute MY willingness more to laziness than to my being a "good Christian;" it takes too much energy for me to be mad at someone for long! :) 

It's a rarity for a relationship to be equally pursued and nurtured by both parties. Usually, one person, the giver, gives, loves, spends, and even CARES more than the other person, the receiver, does. A lot of times, the giver does it so easily and willingly that the lack of effort displayed by, or even the worthiness of the receiver of this care is barely considered. In other words, though the giver in the relationship is clearly doing all the work in keeping the relationship together, it's not "feeling" like work to them, and, in most cases, they are enjoying putting forth the effort so much that they really don't CARE if they ever receive it in return...

Until...

The receiver of this unconditional love says or does something that is so hurtful, that so obviously shows the giver that the receiver doesn't care anything about them; that undoubtedly lets the giver know that everything they've ever done for the receiver meant absolutely nothing to them; that, in fact, the receiver has merely been USING the giver the entire time, while thinking so little of the giver that they would accuse them of being something or someone that the giver has never, would never deserve to be accused of being...

Something this offensive is nothing less than a huge slap not only in the face, but also, the HEART...

Forgiveness is absolutely necessary to be able to move forward with your life. A drug addict who hasn't forgiven his childhood abuser (the "cause" of the addict's desire to lose himself in drugs in the first place) will most likely stay an addict for the rest of his life. Even a recovering addict who HAS forgiven and let go of his abusive past, but won't forgive himself for the mistakes he's made as an addict, will likely return to his addiction...

People often think that to forgive someone means that they have to allow the person who hurt them back into their lives as though the offense never took place. This fallacy, I'm sure, is why there are a lot of people out there who are unwilling to forgive. However, life has taught me that forgiveness isn't meant to leave our relationships unchanged. There are consequences to our actions, and sometimes, loss of a relationship as you knew it is one of them...

It doesn't mean that you aren't forgiven, or that you are hated by the person you hurt (in fact, a true giver is more likely to always love the receiver, even if only from a distance), it just means that things have changed. Take the experience as a lesson learned and move forward with your life, (hopefully) knowing and doing better than you ever did before...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 30: I DID IT!!!

DEAR GOD, THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME MAKE IT THROUGH 30 WHOLE DAYS OF THANKSGIVING!!!

As difficult as it felt to do some days...I still can't believe I actually wrote every day for 30 days - it doesn't feel like it's been that long!

As mentioned in the beginning, it's not a new or difficult thing for me to be thankful; thankfulness is natural part of my personality. It was, however, a little difficult to make myself sit and write about it on a daily basis - particularly on the weekends, because I tend to avoid the computer all weekend long. I sit in front of one for nine hours every day; the last thing I want to do when I get home at night or while relaxing at home on the weekends is get in front of the computer again. This is why I tried to write while I was at work most days. I guess I could have pre-written several of these and just timed them to be released on different days, but, that would have felt like cheating.

Anyway, thanks to all of you who went on this journey with me, and/or even took it upon yourselves to remember to thank God for at least one thing every day for the last 30 days. During this time, there was very little I could find to complain about, my mood has been pretty steady - which is impressive considering I've had two periods this month - and really, I've just felt all-around peaceful. I've also set a couple of personal goals for myself that I've already started working toward, and that are sure to improve my overall quality of life physically, financially and emotionally.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Until Next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 29: Growth

Thank you, God, for GROWTH!!!

I don't mean in size, that's for sure (though if God were doling out a few extra inches in height in the near future, I wouldn't mind taking a few:)). I mean in maturity, in spirituality, in faith, love, personality, etc.

I don't often feel my age. I quite literally still feel like I'm in my 20's MOST days. There is much about me that still needs to grow, yes, but in the last two years, I feel like I've done the most maturing than in any of the years before it. I used to be very much into gaming online and until recently, I was very into watching beauty videos all day every day. Not to say that those things are signs of immaturity, but, they didn't add any DEPTH to my life. There's nothing those activities can offer me that will make me a better person on the INSIDE, which is where I need to do the most work. If I'm going to remain interesting to my husband, loved by my children, useful in my community, but more importantly, in the Kingdom of God, those things need to be put behind me.

I don't remember the last time I played an online game...it's been SEVERAL months. As for beauty videos, in the last month at least, I have not been able to finish ONE youtube video by a beauty guru. Not ONE. I keep going back to them from time to time because I'd been obsessed with them for over a year, but my spirit can barely tolerate a full two minutes of one anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still like makeup - a lot; particularly lip stuff and nail polish - OMG did you hear about CVS starting a "Nail HQ" section in their stores?! I can't WAIT TO VISIT ONE!! LOL! But, not as much as I used to be, and lately I've been leaning more toward skincare products for my aging skin! However, I strive to be more than all of that, and with God on my side and as my Guide, I know that continued success is in my future.

I am blessed!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 28: Revelation Part 2 - THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!

THANK YOU, GOD, FOR BLESSING ME WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT, WHO GUIDES AND REVEALS ALL THINGS!!!

I had to cut my entry short yesterday because I got busy at work. By the time I remembered that it wasn't finished or posted, I was ready for bed, lights out and everything. So, I posted part of it from my phone using the Blogger app.

People think that Believers follow the Bible and believe all that it says merely because it's in writing. As though we are mindless and spiritless beings that believe something just because we're "supposed to." It's simply not true. In my personal experience, I found myself feeling differently about things I used to feel, believe, see, do and say long before I found information in the bible supporting my feelings. You see, unless the Holy Spirit is actually IN you, you won't be able to discern the truth about how GOD feels regarding ANY situation. This is why a nonbeliever is so incapable of grasping - or even WANTING to grasp - the Gospel.

As a kid and teenager, I did a LOT of things that went unnoticed by my parents. I can't recall a time when I've ever been "caught" doing something I wasn't supposed to do and subsequently "punished" for it. When any form of "punishment" was ever delivered in our household, it was due more to the alcoholic content in a parent's blood than to anything I actually did wrong.

In my household, as an adult, however, strange things started happening AFTER I became saved...

God started to continuously reveal to me (and to my husband now, too) so much dirt about the kids that I'm sure they thought they'd never get caught doing. As many times as they've been caught and punished, I truly do wonder how or why they continue to do what they do. In all of my years on this planet, I had NEVER heard of or seen any family who has had such FREQUENT occurrences of their kids getting caught doing something they weren't supposed to do like ours has...

And the ways we find out are so random! We don't go snooping behind our kids all day every day, you know? One of us will come home early and find the kids doing something they were specifically told not to do; or we'd get the urge to pick up the house phone and find one of the kids having a less than godly conversation; or we'd find a letter or email or other type of evidence of their disobedience just laying around the house. It's really crazy.

I'm also finding that God will reveal to me new information about people or relationships that I'd never picked up on before. People I used to think I needed to stay away from, God would reveal I needed to get closer to instead. People who I used to think I needed to be close to in my life, God would reveal to me were insincere or toxic and needed to be loved from a distance. Even before my husband and I got together, the way God would help me decipher if the guy hitting on me was worth considering was uncanny. It was so immediate, so easy. My "type" of guy was completely changed. The "game" I used to fall for before Christ was so YUCK to me after Christ...amazing...

Salvation is not just a gift to me - though a gift, it also is, indeed - it's a TOOL. I NEEDED this salvation to help me become a better parent, a better human being. I NEED the Holy Spirit to live inside of me so that I can correct MYSELF when I'm doing something wrong, and to be able to recognize when something or someone is wrong FOR me and/or my family. He is my very own internal Truth Machine.

I'm not saying that I can easily tell when someone is lying to me or not. I'm still human, still very much affected by my emotions and preconceived notions a lot of times. But, for the things that TRULY MATTER in life, I know I have an Internal Guide Who will help me find my way, and give me the strength to respond to each situation accordingly...

I AM BLESSED!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 27: Revelation

Thank you, God, for frequently blessing me with new revelations...

When I chose to become a Believer and accepted Christ into my life eight years ago, I had little to no idea what it would fully entail. Interestingly, new found perspectives and insight were two very obvious and quick changes. Things I used to think were okay, all of a sudden didn't "feel" right anymore. When I'd check for scripture on the subjects, I found out why.

To be continued... Until next time... XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 26: Hope

God, thank You for blessing me with HOPE...

I almost couldn't think of something new to be thankful for today; the things I've been extra grateful for lately are things I've already written about these past 25 days...but then I remembered something.

I won't go into too much detail but there was something for which my family and I got together and prayed this past weekend, and that we trust God to answer. It felt so good to pray together that it filled me with new hope and anticipation for things to come, period. Not just with regard to the specific thing we prayed about, but for everything.

We are so blessed to have a Father Who is ever-present and always listening. I know that whatever He has in store for us is going to be Good, because we love HIM. I trust God wholeheartedly with our future, and am excited to see what's in store...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 25: Little Things

Dear God, thank YOU for giving us the ability to find fun and enjoyment in the little things.

After church today, we went out to eat at a Chinese buffet place called Osaka...or something like that. Per the use (short for usual), we found a lot to laugh about at our table, including the very serious and dramatic readings of our ridiculous fortune cookie fortunes and our incredibly silly attempts at pronouncing the Chinese words on the other side.

The crazier part of our afternoon was our time at the Dollar General where we went for gum but ended up with $27 worth of junk:). We must have spent a good 30 minutes in one aisle playing a game I could only call, "Name that sound." My husband was literally having our two youngest kids close their eyes while he took random food items from the shelves and then shook them close to their ears to later have them identify them. My kids are gifted: they guessed everything right! LOL!

When we got home, he had the two of them throw rotten bananas into the woods behind our house. We didn't expect them to have as much fun as they did doing this, but we both got a whole lot of laughs out of the experience, and so did our little throwers. I had to thank God out loud for how awesome it is that our kids were able to have fun doing something so simple.

Our family is unusual. People don't usually look at us and see father, mother and children. We've even had someone come up to us asking if we were all brothers and sisters. We often catch other families and people smiling at us when one of us looks their way, and very often we've had people come up to one or all of us to say we have a beautiful family. I think that's so cool.

My prayer today and always is that as our children grow older, they never grow too OLD to have fun and be silly. Please let them be responsible and serious when the occasion calls for it, but also give them the freedom of spirit to let loose and have fun! In Jesus' name, AMEN!

WE ARE BLESSED!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 24: Resolve

Thank you, God, for blessing me with RESOLVE.

Resolve:

firmness of purpose or intent; determination.

 

I required a great deal of this today to do something that required doing, but that I haven't done in years. I tried to talk myself out of doing it at first, but God stepped in and gave me what I needed to dump the excuses and get to work.

 

It's amazing to me how God just stepped in and gave me exactly what I needed at the very moment I needed it without my even having to ask for it. I'm extremely grateful for that as well: the instant help given without a word having to be spoken. 

 

I needed that reminder that He's always with me, too...I am His child indeed...

 

Until next time,

 

XOXOXO - Jessika 

Being Extra Grateful...Day 23: Marriage

Thank you, GOD, for blessing me with a covenant marriage with a non-crazy husband!

I've been watching Bravo TV all day and the personalities in the men I saw on there have been scary. In a world full of psychos, it's a wonder how I managed to find - to be FOUND BY - someone who isn't a tool, a control freak, a psycho, a narcissist, a womanizer, an abuser...

I never would have been able to receive this kind of blessing without God in my life. My background, my experience and my upbringing were in no way conducive to choosing a good man...as was clearly evidenced by my previous choices. I thank God for giving me the discernment I needed to spot what was and wasn't good enough for me, and the inner peace and contentment I needed to choose being alone over wasting my time with less than worthy men.

My heart and mind were focused on God alone until He gave me the permission to share them with a man that He Himself chose for me. He knew that I needed to save and rejuvenate my heart until it was ready to be taken by my HUSBAND. I knew that casually dating, spending my time and effort on anything less would only steal pieces of me that should be set aside and made perfect for the one who would love me enough to find me worthy of marriage. I wish that more women would think enough of themselves to do the same


Until Next Time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Days 21 & 22: Easy Work Days + Thanksgiving!

THANK YOU, GOD, FOR EASY WORK DAYS!!!

I love the holiday season. People are out of town, not traveling for work as much, and my workload is significantly decreased, allowing me to relax.

Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday of the year - yes, even more than Christmas. In celebration, I will not write tomorrow, but instead relax, fill my home with fall scents, and then later go out to enjoy the lovely dinner my mother in law is preparing for our family - another reason to be extremely grateful. I don't really cook for Thanksgiving, but I'm thankful that my husband will have this holiday off from having to prepare anything, too.

I'm thankful for my family; my husband who makes my life so much better than I ever thought possible; and my kids who may sometimes break my heart, but whom I love, who love me, and are healthy and strong and full of promise.

I am blessed!

Until next time,

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 20: Perseverance!

Dear God, thank You so much for Perseverance!!!!!

I needed to be grateful for that today because I'm finding it more difficult to keep up with these daily entries - yet I persevere. My attitude about the daily entries doesn't make sense because I thought that doing something daily for a while makes it easier as you go along. Sigh. It could just be PMS, I don't know! I'm tired!

Forgive me for complaining, as I certainly don't mean to sound like a brat. I'm looking forward to the LONG weekend coming up; I plan to sleep as much as possible.

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 19: Wisdom

Today, dear God, I THANK YOU for Wisdom, in present situations and in situations to come.

I'm in need of wisdom today to help me with a situation that has come to my attention recently. It's tough when someone you love is an expert manipulator. It's even tougher when you find out that this level of expertise is present in your own young children.

How do you defend and guide children whose behavior humiliates you as a parent? When they can look you in your face, smile, hug you, tell you they love you when the whole time they're taking you for a fool?

I find that the smarter the child is, the better they are at lying, manipulating, and getting away with ungodly behavior.

Well, I guess this is payback time for me. I, too, was a smart child and because of situations going on at home that I had to keep secret, I became a fantastic actress. Lying became as much a part of my lifestyle as was breathing, sleeping. Plus, I'm a girl - and everyone knows that females make the best liars.

Please pray for me as I figure out how to proceed with my latest findings. I desperately need it...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 18: Chicken!!!

Dear God, THANK YOU for blessing us with CHICKEN!!

OK, I know it's silly. But those who know me best know that my all time favorite food in the world is chicken! I have my times where I crave beef - a lot of beef- but if there were only one protein that I had to live on for the rest of my existence, it would most definitely be chicken.

It came to the forefront of my mind today because my husband made these ridiculously delicious chicken thighs that were just OMG there are no words. Perfectly marinated, seasoned and cooked, I could have eaten 10 pieces - but only ate two...though I'm debating going back downstairs to see if there's any left...

Anyway, I am mucho grateful for the existence of chicken, and for the skills God blessed my husband, daughter, and other great chicken-cookers with to make the experience of eating chicken oh-so-MORE-than-enjoyable!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful: Day 17...Movies and Books

Dear God, today, I thank you for great books and movies!

Today, I saw a movie that wrapped up a series of movies that brought tears to my eyes, as well as to my daughter's. I've read the book and things were happening that weren't supposed to happen! I didn't much care for the entire first hour of the movie, but things got good on the snow - good and emotional and heartbreaking and intense and...that's all I'm going to say about that.

I'm looking forward to reading another book by the writer of this now-over series - already bought it:). A movie is coming out based on this book next year. Can't wait!!!

That is all.

Have a blessed day!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 16: Change

Dear God, THANK YOU for giving us the ability to CHANGE.

I've met a lot of hard-headed and/or hard-hearted people in my day. I was abused as a child by one (he was both). Interestingly, I had children with two more (one was both, the other was one) - who also happened to have mothers who were the same way (one was both, the other was one). And...one gave birth to me (she's one - but has come a LONG way, definitely changed in many ways and is still changing).

I've always had the kind of heart and belief that ANYONE could change. It wasn't until after knowing my second son's biological father and grandmother that my blanket belief in anyone's ability to change became weakened, just as my open and easy ability to trust people also became weakened.

As my children have grown up, I've noticed some things about them that appear to be consistently hard-wired into their personalities. Some good, and some not that great. I'm concerned for all three of my children, always, but there is a trait in one of them that scares me the most.

As a mother, you want to believe - always, always believe - the absolute best about your children. You want to think that no matter what is happening right now, things will get better. The thing is, it doesn't feel right to unconditionally believe that your children can and will change for the better if you don't also believe it about the rest of the world. And so, for the last several years, my weakened belief in the ability for ANYONE to change has been strong once again.

The only thing stopping ANYONE from changing is the person in need of the change. There are, unfortunately, a LOT of people on this earth who believe that they don't require change - that they're "good people with good hearts." Others are too proud to admit to themselves that they need to change, and others don't have the confidence in their ability to change, so they take on this mentality that they were "born that way, that's how they've always been, people have to love them or leave them alone if they can't accept them as they are," etc.

NEWS FLASH: Just because you've "always been" something doesn't mean you always HAVE TO BE that something...I know and believe this with all of my heart and soul!

The absolute truth that I know is this: GOD is the root of all significant change. Some of us struggle with issues that we really do feel are how we were born to be. Something that deep-rooted into us can only be extracted by the power of God and God alone. A lot of us are not able to get what we need from God, to experience the full impact of His presence in our lives, because of habitual sin, unforgiveness, etc. God will need to be able to forgive us in order to hear us, to work with us. But we have to be cognizant of the fact that change is required, and what's more, we have to WANT IT! Change requires a close, personal relationship with God that cannot be accomplished when our sins are in the way, causing a separation.

It is my prayer for my family, friends, acquaintances and even myself that we all take inventory of the sins in our lives, and really consider whether or not we are willing to let them go before making any further requests of God.

In other words, if we repent from and release sin first, we can receive and achieve TRUE change later...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 15: Truth

Dear God, THANK YOU for blessing Your people with the TRUTH, and for giving us the discernment to recognize it.

Sigh...

I don't even know how to begin this entry. I read something today that made me shake my head. It was a post sharing the sentiments of a gay person regarding "gay marriage." The post said something to the effect that they didn't like that gay marriage was called, "GAY marriage," that it's simply MARRIAGE as far as they are concerned; just as the gay person wouldn't call parking, "gay parking," or the lunch they had, "gay lunch."

The enemy has been so very busy for centuries, and is really working overtime during these END DAYS. Everything that is wrong is being called right, everything that was meant for good is being used for evil.

Sex was created to be enjoyed between a man and a woman, while married, and the enemy has turned sex into perversion, through pedophilia, pornography, prostitution, music, etc.

The rainbow IS a symbol God gave the earth as a promise that He would never destroy the earth by water again, and the enemy has turned it into the official symbol for homosexuals. How fitting, especially since one of the big reasons God destroyed the earth in the first place was because of the abominations being committed by the women who had sex with women and the men who had sex with men. It's like Satan's official slap in God's face. "Look at us now, God! We're doing it up and you can't do what you did last time, because this here rainbow says you promised not to!"

And now marriage, which was created to be between one man and one woman, is now being redefined as also being between same sex persons.

He's coming soon...

GET READY...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 14: Forgiveness

 Dear God, THANK YOU for the gift of FORGIVENESS.

There are no words to describe how good it feels to live a life in which there is absolutely, positively NO unforgiveness. Everyone who is or used to be in my life has been forgiven/freed from any and everything they've ever done to me, I don't allow past issues to affect my day to day life or decisions, and there is an inner peace that cannot be disrupted by any mention of my past, or anything resembling it.

There is peace in knowing that yes, things have happened to me, but today, I couldn't be more over it than if it'd never happened in the first place. And to top it off, I've forgiven MYSELF, too.

But, it's not living like this that allows me to feel this good; the root of this inner peace and joy is in knowing that in doing so, I've left the door wide open to also be forgiven by GOD. After all, we must forgive in order to BE forgiven.

We can deny it and fool ourselves into thinking that this biblical fact is untrue, can fabricate our happiness by sweeping things under the rug and avoiding confrontation, but when it comes down to it, we'll find that where inner turmoil is, unforgiveness is found also. Whether left simmering under the surface, or boiling over when under pressure, unforgiveness is a thief of true inner peace...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 13: A SOUND Mind

Dear God, THANK YOU for blessing me with a sound mind.

Today, I am especially thankful to have my wits about me. To not have been permanently damaged by my past, to recognize that how I feel and react TODAY is not influenced by things that happened eons ago.

I thank God for giving me the strength, the POWER, to put it all behind me and to MOVE FORWARD with my life, to not have remained mentally stuck "back there," to not feel the familiar pain or mental anguish when talking about or even thinking about what happened "back then."

I'm WAY, WAY over it. Have been for YEARS. Praise GOD!!!

I am BLESSED!!!

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 12: FUN Companionship

Dear God, today I thank You for blessing me with FUN companionship!!!

There are only two weekdays in the year that a government holiday results in a closure for our office, but not for our kids' school. Today was the second one.

My mom is still in town so we wanted to find something fun to do with our GORGEOUS-WEATHERED "free" day. She's been wanting to go near a body of water for quite some time, so we decided to go to the National Harbor.

We walked around and sat by the water for a long while, just watching the ripples and debris and fish-searching birds, laughing and talking before we decided to get something to eat. We were planning to have dinner at home so we didn't want to eat anything too heavy. We all had the pleasure of experiencing for the first time hot dogs from a place called ChiDogO's.

Sigh...

It's been a LONG time since I've had a hot dog, and NEVER have I had one that tasted as good as the one I had today. OMG. I didn't even feel like I was eating a hot dog; it was like eating a really great sandwich with all the fixings. We all decided to go for the Chicago style Dog and it did not disappoint. I only had one but it was more than memorable and I will most definitely go back for more in the near future.

After some more walking around, enjoying the breeze and visiting cool little boutiques - as well as the Peeps store! What!?! - and such, my companions wanted some coffee, so we went to Mayorga's. Jason and I went for something similar to a caramel frappuchino and we split a pumpkin cheesecake muffin that was out of this world delicious, as was the drink; my mom went with a traditional Cuban coffee with cream and sugar that she absolutely loved.

When we got home, my husband put the chicken he'd been marinating for a couple of days into the oven and then he went back out to get the supplies my kids needed to put together their science projects, which we just found out were due TOMORROW. Sigh. It's a tradition around here that the kids don't inform us of due dates until the night before. Gotta love 'em.

My mom also made Spanish rice and a salad with lettuce, tomato, avocado, salt, lemon juice and olive oil. Yum. We both sat at the table and ate because it'd been over 90 minutes since my husband and our kids left on mission science project and we were hungry!!!

I love how easy it is to spend an entire day with both my husband and mother. There are so many families in which a visit from the mother in law is something the husband dreads and/or hates. Not my hubby. It helps that my mom has a great sense of humor, is not critical, and is just all around easygoing and fun to be around. She and my hubby mesh beautifully well. He treats her like a queen, just as he would his very own mother.

All in all, today was yet another PERFECT day. Thank You, God, for making it so:).

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 11: Peace

Today, Dear God, I am thankful for PEACE!!!!

My son's girlfriend, Ewurabena, as well as her sister, Ewurama, came to church today and were very warmly welcomed. After church, we all came to my home to play a game called Hedbanz and to eat the absolutely positively delicious chili and cornbread that my husband made last night.

OMG that chili was SO good...

I love that there is no strife in our family, that we all get along with each other, and that we are able to welcome two people over and laugh and be silly and feel absolutely comfortable with them. They are two incredibly funny and personable young ladies.

I also introduced the girls to my massive nail polish collection. I didn't expect that they would immediately remove the adorable nail polish colors they already had on their nails to wear some of the colors I showed them. But, to see how they looked at the bottles of polish with wide eyes, and then immediately ask for cotton balls, made me smile outwardly as well as in my spirit. It may seem silly to say or feel this, but it made me truly happy to see how comfortable they were to jump right in and paint away. I sat there very happily watching my daughter, my son's girlfriend and her sister rifle through my polishes and paint all of their nails - as my son napped on the living room couch! :)

We don't usually have company over but today's visit made me want to have company over more often. 

Today was a truly lovely, PEACEFUL day!

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 10: Walking, Plus Mom Business

Dear God, THANK YOU for blessing me with the ability to WALK on my own two legs!

After my mom, husband and I got pedicures, we all went to the mall to find my mom some boots, get something to eat, and then walked around for a couple of hours. I was still wearing my flip flops from after getting a pedicure so the bottom of my feet were not feeling GREAT, but I didn't get winded and my legs felt great the entire time. I am extremely grateful for my ability to walk!!!

So...I don't mean to put my mom's beeswax out there, butteruh, she's got a date tonight! She's wearing her newly purchased boots, which go great with the new bag I gave her a couple of weeks ago. She's going to look absolutely gorgeous! My hubby and I have been grilling her about the (younger!!!) guy she's been talking to for six months. She said he'd asked her out while she was in her car on her way over here and she asked if I would mind. I don't mind at all, but I did suggest that she meet the guy at the location as opposed to having him pick her up from my house. BTW: this is their SECOND date:).

My mom's not a "dater" in any sense of the word, but I'm excited for her to be taken out and treated to a nice time. There's a lot I wish I knew about the guy, and I'm sure I won't be able to resist investigating more about him (wink wink), but I pray that she will be careful and be able to discern a good guy from a loser, especially in this day and age!!!

Please pray along with me as my mom embarks on a new chapter in her life: DATING!

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 9: Love

Today, I thank You, God, for Love. Your love and the love of others.

Love is as necessary to life as food and water. I know that now. A recent event for some reason has given me a sort of revelation.

There's no greater love than the love of Christ. His love is so great that He not only died and rose again for our salvation's sake, but, when He left this earth for good, He also made sure that His love would remain in a meaningful way.

Enter, the Holy Spirit: "If ye love me, keep my commandments. And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.” (John 14:15-17)

We, as humans, are incapable of loving the way God loves us. We're incapable of effectively loving in a way that heals, forgives, trusts, comforts, and positively impacts others in a significant way. But God is and does and has left us with the Holy Spirit so that we may get from Him what we need in order to do what only He does best.

I can honestly say that there have been instances in which I was spiritually able to borrow from the Holy Spirit the love and words I needed to comfort someone that I quite literally felt no love or affection for before the love and words were extended. The result of my allowing God to flow through and use me in this way was a newfound love and affection for the person to whom I ministered.

A minister - well, now Elder - at my church, Jim, once spoke to the church about love being more about action than our personal feelings. He also said that love is something we as Christians are obligated to give, REGARDLESS of whether or not we "feel" like it. In fact, when we press forward and choose to love in obedience to God, we will more often than not find that the feelings will follow. At first it sounded strange to me to hear that...but as I looked back, I realized that he was 100 percent right.

And yet, I still fail to do this as consistently as I should. I've allowed my feelings to take over. Recently, someone extended to me the kind of love that only Christ could possibly give, because I KNOW this person didn't "feel like it." As the recipient of this GIFT of love, my heart was significantly softened; I was healed of my pain and anger, and it was put in me to apologize and move forward in a positive direction.

This is a gift I have robbed others of receiving due to selfishness. This is a gift I could and should consistently give to others. This is the gift that could change a person's life for the better, to give them the encouragement and strength to go on in this terribly cold, harsh world.

I MUST DO BETTER...

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 8: Laughter

Dear God,

Today, I thank You with all my heart and soul for my ability to laugh - even in my SLEEP!

Last night I had a dream that I was entering a room where my husband and several other people were there sitting at tables, eating. When I walked into the room and looked at Jason, he made the funniest face that made me laugh so hard that I had to sit down - on the floor.

There's nothing extraordinary about this dream, but it made me appreciate my ability to laugh today. How interesting that I've never actually thought about my ability to laugh so easily as a blessing. In fact, lately I've been looking at, and with great resentment, the ever-deepening laugh lines on my face. One of them is deeper than the other for some reason. Stupid laugh lines!

My husband is a natural source of laughter. It's clear to me that he got an extra special ingredient added to his soul when God created him. I love that he's so funny, but, sometimes I hate it because he tends to make me laugh my hardest, most embarrassing and nearly life-threatening laughs when we're in PUBLIC!!! There's no controlling it!!!

Ya see, I'm not a normal laugher. Where there is true laughter there are tears, extreme facial redness, table smacking at times and child-like squeals that for some reason my husband finds endearing if not amusing, but that I know bugs the heck out of people who are trying to enjoy their meals or whatever other activities in various places.

I don't like my laugh, but most of the few people who love or like me do, and without question, my husband loves it the most. Maybe. I say maybe because I know that my sis loves my laugh, too, and she's the only one who has verbalized it with enough frequency for me to know she most definitely means it!

My husband once told me that sometimes I surprise him with the intensity of my laughter, because it belts out of me as though a button on my body has been pushed. There's no giggling that works up to chuckling that works up to slightly loud laughter that then works up to the spectacle that is "Jessika VERY Highly Amused." It's zero to crying-reddening-table-slapping-practically-convulsing in two seconds flat if not less:). Of course it's not like that ALL the time. I have a chuckle, a giggle, etc. But for some reason, my husband likes to be EXTRA funny when we're OUT! UGH!!! I love him so much:).

My mom says she's proud of her laugh lines. I thought I was, too...I'm not "there" yet, but I'm WORKIN' ON IT! :) I shall concentrate more and more on why they are there, however, and thank GOD again and again that this world, the people in it, and the things that have happened to me were never able to steal my joy - AMEN!

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 7: Mercies (Plus Presidential Thoughts)

Today, I thank You, God, for Your mercies toward me, toward US, as a people. Without it, we'd all be dead or worse.

When I woke up this morning to find out that Obama was re-elected, I exaggerate NOT when I tell you the first thought that popped into my head was, "Well, the divorce rate is about to far-exceed 50 percent now that gay people are going to be allowed to marry, too." I had the thought without an ounce of anger, resentment, sadness - I quite literally felt nothing at all.

You see, I actually believe - have always believed - that my life won't be affected by the man sitting in office. He may pass all the laws I don't agree with and flush this country down the toilet, be he a Democrat or Republican, be he black or white - none of it matters to me. I HATE politics and have very little to NO interest in it. I stated a short opinion about who I wanted to win (which by the way, was based on personal moral stands/beliefs) and that was that.

But then I started surfing around Facebook and what I saw bugged me to no end. I lost count of the number of times I found myself saying, "Are you KIDDING me?" Forgive me if I sound harsh, but, here is what I posted as my Facebook status in response to the numerous posts I read:

"I wanted Romney to win, but I'm in no way angry, stressed or worried about the fact that he didn't. I know from Whom my help cometh. I do think it's strange how same-sex marriage-supporter-Obama-voters are spewing so much scripture today about Jesus this and Jesus that; scriptures and spiritual comments are being dropped left and right by people who barely know God at all let alone read His word or go to His house. I'd like to see how readily these same folk will find and post their scriptures when something they DON'T want to happen, happens. Adversity has a tendency to bring out the truth about what we really have hidden in our hearts. God bless you and you and you and you and America indeed."

I will admit that the above is my third revision. My first one was indeed much harsher and even came off as judgemental, which is something I don't wish to be. I am a flawed person just like the rest of us, but I do try my best to correct myself when I can.

If you're a person who barely if ever posts a scripture on your status, why now? I really don't care who you vote for or what you believe in - but don't conveniently insert God into the picture after you've basically done and said and thought and believed things that were completely outside of the will or involvement of God. 

Reading those statuses was reminiscent to watching an awards show where the hedonistic "artist" who earns his living glorifying lust, greed, and filth of every sort thanks GOD for "giving him everything he has." Seriously? To me, and I may be going too far with this statement, it's borderline if not flat-out blasphemous! 

Having said all of that, I recognize that this world, of which I'm only a visitor, needs to get a lot worse before the time comes for it to be destroyed by fire. Therefore, I trust that God will continue to allow exactly what He must in order for nature to take its course. My focus from this point forward will be on getting ready. Nothing else matters...

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful...Day 6: Protection and Deliverance

Today, I thank You, God, for protecting my children on a daily basis.

I see news stories and watch shows that depict such horrible acts against women and children and I am so grateful that my children have not had to go through such things.

I'm thankful that I did not STAY one of those women who hold on to the wrong type of men, the kind who use and abuse women and their children. I thank God that I grew up and put my children's welfare above all, and that God gave me the strength to come out of a lifestyle of abuse and neglect.

I AM BLESSED!!!

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful, Day 5: My Daughter

Today, I thank You, God, for my daughter, Jada. As a mother of boys for so many years, having left the child bearing idea behind, yet also wishing I had a girl, there was something of a hole in my spirit until she came into my life.

It wasn't just her entering it that did it for me. It was how she took to me so easily and started calling me mommy nearly three years before my husband and I even got married - before I even knew whether or not that would ever happen.

I'd lacked confidence in the ability to mother a female child, and when she began to call me Mommy, I discouraged it the best I could without hurting her feelings. I told her it wasn't necessary to call me that, especially since I wasn't married to her daddy. She said it felt "right" to call me mommy and she really wanted to do it anyway.

The letters she has written me, my God, I've never read more heartfelt words! I think she wrote me her first letter when she was seven or eight years old, and tears just streamed down my face at the love in it. She has an amazing ability to express her emotions in writing. Her talent in that regard only makes her feel even more like my own daughter.

I remember a couple of weeks after Jason and I got married, I had a court date with my oldest son's father regarding child support on the first day of school. Jada was not able to be enrolled into school the same day as she registered because the school needed "time to get her put into the system and create a schedule." So, I had to take her with me to the courthouse. As we waited, I  pulled out the enrollment forms for health insurance that I needed to complete in order to add my new hubby and daughter. Jada watched me and it hurt my heart like crazy to be forced to call her my "stepdaughter" on the stupid form. It took me forever to complete that part and when Jada saw the word, she said, "Aww, man, you put stepdaughter!" I apologized and explained to her that it had to be done. Ugh, I HATED IT!!! We don't refer to each other as step-ANYTHING!!!

In the car on the way home, I started craving lemon cupcakes, and she and I came up with the idea to make our own strawberry lemonade cupcakes using crushed up strawberry Jolly Ranchers! They were delicious, tasted something like Fruity Pebbles, but something about the way the Jolly Ranchers melted into the icing was too weird for me...we never did them again. I literally JUST NOW remembered that as I was writing this...that's really something...

Jada now has her own cupcake business called Epic Cakes 101 http://www.facebook.com/epiccakes101?ref=ts&fref=ts and actually has a seasonal "Strawberry Lemonade" cupcake with REAL strawberries that is absolutely amazing!!! 

WE ARE BLESSED!!!!

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful - Day 4: Deliverance

Today, I thank You, God, for Your MANY MERCIES! You have kept me from homelessness, depression, poverty, unemployment, tragedy, and so, so, SO much more! THANK YOU, GOD, for never letting me go, and for choosing me long before I knew to choose You!!!

I am BLESSED!!!!

Have a BLESSED Sunday, all!

Until next time,

XOXOXO,

Jessika

Being Extra Grateful - Day 3: Praying in Tongues

I don't have anything specific to write about today, but I thought I'd use my blog to post daily the thing for which I thanked God out loud.

Today, I thank you, God, for giving me the ability to pray in tongues!!!

This morning, around 5 a.m., I woke up feeling desperately in need of a shower. So, I decided to do just that before going back to bed, and used the entire time to pray in tongues. I'd say I prayed in tongues for at LEAST 20 minutes, but more likely 30, as I didn't stop until I was completely finished putting on lotion and deodorant, using mouthwash and getting dressed in clean jammies before going back into bed.

I pray your day is especially blessed!

Until next time,

XOXOXO,

Jessika

Thankful People are Happy

Last night was an emotional one for me. In talking with my son, things came to the surface that have been eating away at my heart for quite some time. My son said some things that broke my heart, and though some might say he said those things to manipulate me, I can't bring myself to agree.

By the end of our conversation, I thought it'd be good for him to practice being more grateful for what he has - what's amazing about this is that God actually used a quote I received in a monthly Julep subscription box to create this challenge. The quote was, "It's not happy people who are grateful, it's grateful people who are happy."

I've decided to challenge myself this month along with my son, and pretty much everyone else who's willing, to consciously think of one thing every single day for which I'm grateful, and to thank GOD out LOUD for it.

This isn't going to be hard for me to do, because I'm a naturally thankful person, even in private. It's literally hard for me NOT to thank God for a cool morning, a good parking space, a gorgeous sunrise or sunset, a clean toilet, a hot shower...and the list goes on and on. But, I believe it will be a challenge for my son, who tends to focus on the negative a whole lot more than a child ever should.

Please pray for him as he begins this journey to a happier and more content disposition.

Today, I'm grateful for a loving family. THANK YOU, GOD, FOR MY FAMILY!

I am truly blessed.

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Work

Dear God,

Thank you for blessing me with my job. I am enormously grateful to have been blessed with employment income, as I know that there are many that are without. Please forgive me for every single negative or seemingly ungrateful word, thought or action I've said/done while on my job and especially ABOUT my job, because I should always know better.

Lately, I have been incredibly challenged at work. You are always with me, God, so I know that You know exactly what I'm talking about. I know it isn't my place to ask, "Why?" as I'm sure that there is a purpose for it all. However, I must ask that You please help me to better respond to the issues that seem to be rearing their ugly heads here more and more often.

What is the lesson here, God? How do I respond to these situations? What is it that you're preparing me for exactly?

It seems ridiculous for me, a most inconsistent person, to request that there be some consistency at my place of employment, I know. But You know that I am someone who likes to feel that when I'm asked a question, I'd like to be able to give a confident response without having my response overturned by someone else because it's easier on them to do that than it is to back me up. In other words, it is my desire that my superiors consistently go for the "hard 'no' as opposed to the easy 'yes.'" Is that too much to ask?

Father, I would like to think that I am good at what I do. I don't really hate the work I'm doing even though it doesn't challenge me intellectually as much as it does emotionally. I like being able to help people and working hard has never been a problem for me - You made me this way. I simply request that if and when I do what I know to do at work, that I am consistently backed up by my superiors so that I'm not made to look like I don't know what the heck I'm doing anymore. I want to do my job correctly and professionally on a very consistent basis.

Thank you, Father, for hearing and answering my prayer.

In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN...

Until Next Time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Consequences

Another instance in which I haven't a clue as to what will end up on this entry...

Was thinking about a conversation I had with my son last night. He was very passionately expressing his feelings about the hype around the suicide of a teenage girl that his peers have been talking about recently - in short: he's annoyed by all of it.

A very short synopsis: this was a teenage girl who flashed her boobs on a web cam and had sex with a boy who had a girlfriend and therefore, suffered some major consequences as a result. Apparently the footage of her bare boobs was sent everywhere and the girlfriend and friends of the guy that the now-deceased teen said "hooked up with her," jumped her and filmed the beat down. On top of this she'd received hateful emails, posts, comments, etc. Eventually, she killed herself.

This girl took a perfect opportunity to be a spokeswoman for young women who engage in questionable activities on the internet and in school and flushed it down the toilet. She doesn't even know how lucky she was to have been "caught" that quickly and to have been held accountable for this behavior as soon as it happened. In my opinion, it was all a huge flashing neon sign that she had no business doing those kinds of things. That her life was to have been bigger, BETTER than all of that.

It appears this girl was starved for attention. Craved it, probably prayed and wished and hoped for it. Unfortunately, she got exactly what she thought she wanted, and couldn't handle it.


I'm in no way saying that she deserved what she got or that she doesn't deserve any sympathy. I'm saying that I wish teenagers - and a lot of ADULTS, really - would learn how useful negative experiences can be to their own development of maturity and wisdom. It's disturbing to me that this girl, who wasn't mature enough to bear hearing and reading negative words, couldn't bear to be, in essence, "called out" for things that she actually did, could think herself mature enough to have sex and show her body to a complete stranger.

It's unfortunate how unequipped this child was to handle the consequences of her actions. It makes me wonder if perhaps she got away with too much at home and wasn't used to having to answer for her mistakes.

But that's just my two cents.

Until Next Time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

CHECK YOUR RECEIPTS!!!

In the last two to three weeks I've been overcharged at Food Lion, Wal-Mart - TWICE, Walgreens and CVS.

The overcharges weren't major, but they went as follows:

Food Lion (about three weeks ago): I bought two packs of cookies that were "on sale" at two for $5; one rang up at $2.50, the other at $3.89. I took my receipt and the item to customer service and was given a full refund and the item to take home for free. Didn't expect that!

Also at Food Lion (two Wednesdays ago), though this doesn't qualify as an overcharge because I caught it before it could be: I saw a sale sign on large raw shrimp that was buy one pound at $10.39 and get one free, but, as he was scooping the shrimp to weigh it, he did it from a section that listed the item on "sale" for $12.99/lb (still buy one lb get one lb free). When I noted it to the clerk, he said, "Oh, the $10.39 sign is old and it's wrong." Like he was going to get away with charging me $12.99. I said, "That's unfortunate, because I expect to be charged $10.39 per pound - and I think you guys should take that sign down." He adjusted the pricing for me.

Wal-Mart (two Sundays ago): I bought a Sally Hansen Nail Art Pen on clearance for $1.00 (big RED $1.00 sticker on the side) and a jug of Simply Lemonade at what the SIGN said was $2.00. The nail art pen rang up at $7.00 (full price) and the lemonade at $2.50. I didn't notice as it was scanning, so I went all the way home and had to come back for my refund.

The customer service lady was quick to cut me off to say, "Oh, it's $2.50," when I started to tell her I was overcharged for the lemonade. I explained that the sign said $2 and she said, "I'll go check but I get it all the time and it's $2.50." Nevertheless, she saw the sign, figured the price "might be going down" and she didn't know it - but she "doubted it."

Also at Wal-Mart (yesterday): I bought Salada Green Tea t $2.32 and it rang up at $2.86.

CVS (last Wednesday):  I bought some "Just the Basics" facial cleansing wipes at $3.19, buy one get one 50 percent off. They both rang up at $3.19 each.

Walgreens (Saturday): I bought a Wet n Wild lipstick at $1.99 and it rang up at $2.99.

I HIGHLY recommend you guys take a closer look at what you're buying (if you're not already doing so), what the signs say the prices are, and what actually IS being charged as you're being rung up. And if you find you ARE overcharged, even if it's only a few cents, and even if you don't realize it until later, GO BACK AND SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT! GET YOUR MONEY BACK!

I don't think this is all "just coincidence." I think it's possible that retailers are purposely allowing stuff to ring up at higher prices in order to take advantage of their too-busy, too-much-in-a-hurry customers. They are depending on us to say, "It's only a little bit, no big deal, not worth the hassle of going back to customer service." Or maybe I'm too much of a conspiracy theorist:). I've only JUST started rechecking my receipts so God only knows how much money I've freely "given" to retailers because of this deception.

Those "few cents" here and there can really add up (and ARE adding up - for THEM!) - but if enough of us are checking our receipts and holding retailers accountable for their "mistakes," we may be able to get them to stop with their shenanigans!

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Thou Shalt Not Stress...

That was my mantra for the day. After coming back from a long weekend, my first day back at work (Tuesday) was an absolute nightmare, professionally and personally. I've noticed in the last week or so that my right eye started twitching again, after going quite a long while without issue (at least two months).

I needed a break. So, I took a personal day yesterday and was honest with my supervisor as to the reason: I was stressed out. She was very understanding about it.

My eye did begin to twitch a little bit today but it went away almost as quickly as it came. I was and continue to be determined to have a good day, in spite of whatever may come. God is in control, therefore, so am I.

My responsibilities here include more than daily physical duties. It's imperative that I also do them with a positive attitude, as unto God Himself. I've lost count of the number of times I've disappointed Him AND myself with my attitude, impatience toward less intelligent people, etc. It is my firm belief that I continue to run into these situations on SUCH a consistent basis because I have not yet mastered the response. God is training me to do better. It won't be until I have CONSISTENTLY responded in the way God would have me to respond that these situations will begin to diminish. I just KNOW IT!!

I've often asked God why I'm still here, why I have to put up with this place in a thankless job that often makes me feel pretty miserable. The truth is, currently, there is no better atmosphere for "training" than this place. I don't come in contact with as many people when I'm not here, there's not much adversity (thank GOD) to contend with in my personal life, therefore, I remain here.

I was a cashier at Giant for three years. By the time I left there, I was the best I could possibly be. I was ALWAYS friendly, always fast, memorized EVERYTHING there was to memorize as far as procedures, transactions, produce and other codes, etc. In other words, there was nothing more I could have done to be better than I already was. I was the best cashier I could be.

I worked in the mortgage department of a bank for two years. I excelled at my position in reviewing mortgage documents for compliance, could not have done it better than I was already doing it. The only way for me was up - my supervisor wanted me to pursue mortgage underwriting. I wasn't interested, so I moved on.

And now here I am...at the same job for 12 years!!! God has kept me here for a reason, and it's much more than to earn a paycheck so that I can take care of my family. His plans and thoughts are much bigger than my own, and I am overwhelmingly grateful that He has bothered to have them for and about ME at all.

I welcome the challenge, the growth, the CHANGE...

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Up and Down...

Sigh...

There has been a lot going on in my life recently and I can't even write about it all. Let's just say that things had been really, really great and then got really, really cruddy, really, really fast...

I'm assuming this is all happening because God is doing what good fathers do when trying to grow their children up: providing opportunities for us to demonstrate all we've learned/been taught, or throwing us in situations where we (hopefully) learn how wrong we've been doing things so that we can make positive changes.

I'm not angry - though I was at one point in time. Right now, I'm just disappointed, saddened even, at the turn of events. It sucks when you're expected to exercise patience and understanding with someone who shows no remorse for what they've done and/or refuses to take responsibility for what's happened.

On a positive note, I had a great weekend with my mom and niece in town in celebration of Jada's birthday. We shopped, ate at Pho #1 which was AMAZING, spent time laughing and talking and just all around enjoying each other's company. We also had one of Jada's friends over, who we like to call Milkshake. She's the cutest, tiniest girl ever with hair past her behind. Milkshake inspired a new cupcake flavor for Epic Cakes 101 that I can't talk about, and that will most likely only be available for one month out of the year, so look out for that announcement!

I'm going to go now. I'm tired.

Until next time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

Power of the Tongue

I was sitting in the kitchen watching my husband chop jalapenos for the spicy spaghetti he's making when I got the sudden urge to write. There's no telling what this entry is going to be about, so...

My husband spoke at church today, which for our church, was Youth Sunday. He spoke about something that we've all heard before, but that is well worth repeating. The topic was The Power of the Tongue.

The power of the words that come out of our mouth is not something to be underestimated. The most amazing thing about this truth is that it is true about the way things work in this world regardless of whether or not you're a Christian. It's a truth that we can't be reminded enough about, as it's easily forgotten as we live our day to day lives.

People create a lot of energy around themselves and others a lot of times under the guise of "joking around." That foolish or idle talk we call "playing around" with our peers can be extremely dangerous. Sometimes we even laugh at the things that people say about us in a "joking" matter that we later find left a "mark" or "seed" in us that can actually take root.

Proverbs 26: ¹⁸ Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death,
¹⁹ Is the man who deceives his neighbor, And says, “I was only joking!”

That saying, "birds of a feather flock together," meaning that people of the same mind and/or lifestyle tend to stick together, BECOMES true even if you didn't think you were a certain way when you first started hanging with a certain type of group. For example, maybe you weren't a drinker or smoker, but you love football. You find a group of drinkers/smokers who also love football that you thought were "cool," so you decide to hang around them just to watch football every once in a while. I guarantee that after a while you will start to drink, smoke, or both.

For those in school, you can't call yourself nice and be best friends with a mean or boy-crazy girl without becoming a mean or boy-crazy girl yourself. You can't call yourself a Christian and hang with atheists and not eventually begin to doubt your faith, too. You can't strive to be an A-student and hang out with flunkies, can't maintain a "clean" lifestyle by hanging out with drug users. In order to succeed in this world, on the path that you tell yourself you wish to be on, you have to attach yourself to people who are moving in the same direction. And if your intent is to be a positive influence in the midst of all of that negativity, make sure that you're strong enough in mind, body, spirit and FAITH to do so...which, at school-age, is a rarity...I mean, most adults can't handle negative atmospheres and rise above them.

It is because of this that we also need to be mindful of what it is we allow ourselves to see and hear on television and our surroundings.

Proverbs 23:⁷ For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

Let's be honest, we're not going to be able to avoid absolutely every negative and ungodly vision or word or activity in the world. We have sin thrown at us from every angle being glorified and called "the new normal." Which is why it is SO, SO, SO very important to have a support system of like-minded, like-faith-ded:) people to call on when we're feeling weak and/or tempted. It is also imperative that we don't go to bed at night without asking God to wash and cancel out every ungodly thing we've been exposed to each and every day. And, there's no better way to wash away the "world" than to dive into the Word of God on a very, VERY regular basis (preferably daily, several times a day).

You may think that salvation and right-living are for your benefit alone. I hate to burst your bubble, but God rarely if EVER blesses us without expectation that what He's done for and IN you will also bless others. Even the mere spoken testimony of what He's done can bless someone in a way that you may never know.

People watch us every day. You were made to be a beacon of hope and inspiration to others. When you fail to speak, walk, LIVE as God intended, you also cause a multitude of others to fail right along with you...

Stop being selfish.

Think about it.

Until Next Time,

XOXOXO

Jessika

My Husband

I LOVE my husband...

That's nothing new, right? I was thinking about just how much today after remembering a boy who had the hugest crush on me when I was in living in Alexandria, VA, in fifth or sixth grade. He literally just popped into my head out of nowhere. His name was Luis Martinez. He was stocky and had a mole on his face that I know if I saw today, I wouldn't it think was a big deal. Back then, however, in my superficial jerky days, I thought it was "gross," and because of it, I never gave him the time of day. The crazy thing is, I haven't thought about this boy since I was still a child...

(Luis Martinez, if by some miracle you ever find this, I am sorry for treating you the way I did back then. I sincerely pray that you've met, or that you will meet, a really nice girl to love and marry and have children with, and that you're living happily. God bless you! And to anyone else out there that I might have hurt or mistreated, please accept my sincerest apologies!!)

Luis was the sweetest, kindest boy I'd known at that time of my life - and since, until I met Jason - and the only boy I can remember who pursued the heck out of me, no matter how much I brushed him off and/or mistreated him. He wasn't just nice to me and wanted to be around me, he told me, on a very, very regular basis just how much he liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. I had never been pursued that openly and persistently before or after him - again, until I met my husband. Guys have shown their interest in me plenty of times, yes, but usually it was subtle or inconsistent, you know? It takes commitment for a guy to put himself completely out there, to not care about what anyone thinks, to choose to spend every free moment with you or in pursuit of you and ONLY you.

Thinking about how badly I treated Luis, I started to think about a lot of the mistakes I've made over the years. How badly I've treated a LOT of people back then, boys and girls, friends and strangers, how many ridiculously awful decisions I made, how many opportunities I wasted, etc. If given the opportunity, I would go back and live my life all over again. When I thought about how amazing that opportunity would be earlier today, the one thing that I knew for 100 percent sure, is that I still would have wanted to meet and marry Jason.

The way he loves me is incomprehensible. I honestly don't think it's even human for a man to love me the way Jason loves me. Please don't misunderstand what I'm doing here by sharing this: I am not bragging about this or trying to make anyone feel badly. What I'm saying here is that the fierceness of Jason's love for me has absolutely nothing to do with what I did to or for him. I know that if God didn't do it, I'd still be super single.

I spent so many years thinking that being single was my destiny - and I thought I was perfectly happy and satisfied with that. There was no sadness or regret or anything remotely resembling bitterness with my acceptance of that "fact." But God...(trying not to cry here)...for some reason, God felt that it was absolutely necessary for me to be loved by a man on this earth, and as such, He must have taken over Jason's heart and body and mind in order to make that happen.

You've heard the line in a Tyler Perry movie or seven, but my husband's love for me is a reflection of God's love for me. It is unconditional. Entire. Complete. NOT EARNABLE!!! There is nothing I could have possibly done to or for Jason that would make him love me the way he does. NOTHING. Just like there is absolutely nothing I could have possibly done, or could ever possibly do, to deserve God's love and His Salvation - and yet I have them.

You know what? I take it back: if I could live my life all over again, I WOULD NOT. I THANK GOD for my past and the path that led me to my husband. I wouldn't change a thing!!! If it hadn't been for all of the bad experiences I've had along the way, I never would have been able to appreciate him...I totally married a "nice guy."   True, Jason's not your typical nice guy; he's fun and funny and NEVER boring, but he is a nice guy, and God gave me the presence of mind and heart to receive this special gift.

THANK YOU, FATHER GOD, FOR BLESSING ME WITH YOUR LOVE ON EARTH AND IN HEAVEN, FOR YOUR SALVATION, MERCY AND GRACE! LET ME NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF OR MISS ANY GOOD THING IN MY LIFE PRESENTLY AND TO COME! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN!!!

Until Next Time,

XOXOXO

Jessika