Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Blessed Throw-Up

Nice title, no?

Two nights ago, I ate a very healthy dinner (mixed green salad, tomatoes, 1/2 an avocado and two tiny, thin pieces of fish) and a less-than-healthy desert (slice of lemon pound cake and a glass of lactose free milk). I went upstairs a few minutes later, took a shower, then came back downstairs to watch TV with my family. I decided to get some water in me while I sat, so I'd say I drank about 32 ounces of water in about an hour and 20 minutes time. The water tasted funny...but I drank it anyway.

When I went to bed, my stomach felt a little weird but I didn't think much of it. An hour after that, I got up feeling pretty sickly. I felt like I had to throw up but I just KNEW that it wouldn't happen because God and I have an agreement about that sort of thing. I often feel nauseous but I rarely throw up...and when I say rarely I mean it's been at LEAST 10 years since the last time I did so. Maybe more like 15 years...and I never threw up during pregnancy either.

God knows I hate it, can't stand it, would rather sit and have hot lava come out of my butt for an hour than have to throw up out of my mouth for 10 seconds. So, as I paced around in my bathroom, rubbing my belly in a downward motion so as to redirect the storm I was feeling inside of me to my bowels, I felt pretty confident that I'd need to expel soon, and it would NOT be out of my mouth. No way, no how, no sir, NEVER! And then...

My saliva started getting thick, mucus-like, and I got a little nervous but not really worried, you see. Like I inferred earlier, vomit and I are not friends. We're very much estranged and we like to keep it that way...yet my usually dependable bowels didn't seem to want to cooperate in the receipt of the storm I was so desperately trying to redirect to them...

Finally, I resorted to thinking happier, less vomitous thoughts, like thoughts of an empty stomach, a day without having eaten a thing, feeling bouncy and energetic and happy and - wait, why am I on my knees? I swear I was skipping along on the grass on a sunny but breezy spring day when all of a sudden I found myself bent over the toilet. And then it happened....

My body betrayed me in a most violent way. My stomach contents were expelled through my mouth not once, not twice, but FOUR TIMES. I don't recall the last time I felt so...violated. But more than that, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, I felt relieved. I found myself thanking God that the pain and discomfort and sickly feeling were greatly diminished as a result of my having expelled in that way...

Seeing as how God and I have this agreement and all, I could only justify His allowing this to happen because I'd obviously drunk or eaten something that was terribly poisonous and He wanted it out of me as quickly as possible. So, I forgave God for disregarding our agreement and allowing me to throw up:).

I was able to return to bed after brushing the heck out of my teeth and tongue and gargling mouthwash, feeling better, however, I could not lie all the way down. I had to kind of keep myself propped up because I still felt the tiniest bit unsettled. My lovely husband chopped up some ice for me and put it in a baggie for me to relieve my terribly abused throat.

I didn't get to sleep that night and at one point, after my husband had fallen asleep, I found myself feeling really hot and needing more ice. So, I crept downstairs, took a dose of Pepto Bismol, put a fan on blast and sat on the couch for the rest of the night into the morning. I still didn't feel well when my husband came downstairs on his way out to the gym. He gave me more ice and another dose of PB with the promise of returning with ginger ale.

After he left, I took my powerful fan upstairs and was able to fall asleep slightly propped up in bed. Two hours later, I was awaken by my beautiful husband who had a ton of ginger ale, a breakfast sandwich and a little cup of fruit for me to enjoy. I ate about 75 percent of the sandwich, a couple of bites of fruit and about half of the ginger ale when I decided to get up and look at myself in the mirror...BIG mistake. I looked like I'd been slapped 100 times on each side of my face! The exertion behind the vomiting really took a toll on my face. It was pretty scary. It's the slightest bit better today, but needless to say, I packed on the powder this morning in an effort to cover it up. FYI, Physician's Formula Super BB All-in-1 Beauty Balm Powder over my regular BB cream did the job quite nicely!!! (I don't own and I refuse to wear liquid foundation.)

As the day progressed, I felt better and better. I realized I felt 100 percent better around 4:00 p.m., while sitting in the living room watching a Barbie movie, the Princess and the Pauper, that my 13-yes, 13-year-old daughter suggested we watch. I actually really liked it!

This experience has reminded me, once again, of how absolutely blessed I am. My husband is the absolute most loving and perfect caretaker and my kiddies gave me extra love yesterday, too.

Thank you God, for allowing me to be sick so that I could remember just how beautifully blessed I am...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

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