Monday, December 31, 2012

Being Single

Came across this article today:

Here was my response, in case it doesn't make it past the moderation stage:):

"I can agree to a lot that you’ve stated. However, I think it’s sad that a lot of the same singles who complain about all of the above also can’t or won’t stand to hear or heed advice from married people about being single and how to date effectively (effectively, meaning, getting on the path to marriage) if that’s all they are focused on at this point in their lives. As if we marrieds were BORN married, never dated, never had to trust and “wait on God,” never had to struggle with abstaining from sex, etc. I can see why singles would refuse to take advice from people decades older than them, who have been married forever and were single in much “simpler” times, but, some are so stuck in their, “no one understands what it’s like to be single; poor me!” attitudes – to the point of childishness – that they refuse to listen even to newly engaged or newly married people.

Jesus was single! And so were his disciples. Maybe singles should read more about them. And when I was single (I’ve only been married two years), my focus was not on dating, but on family and friendships – but more importantly, on my relationship with GOD. It just so happened that my contentment with being single in the world yet in a committed relationship with Christ led to my being pursued by my best male friend who I’d known for three years before we started dating, and three more years before we were married.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct[a] your paths.

Luke 12:29 “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, NOR HAVE AN ANXIOUS MIND. 30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things[c] shall be added to you.

Marriage isn’t EVERYTHING. OUR church barely talks about it, but I know some like to shove it down the congregation’s throat. ALL of our focus, whether or not we’re married, should be on how to be better Christians PERIOD. When you find your contentment in and with and THROUGH God alone, none of anything spoken about in the content of this article, nor any of the other nonsense we see and hear every day will cause such outrage or anxiety, because your peace and all that you need will come from your Guide within, and scriptures will have new revelation for you to help you in your SINGLE walk with God.

Philippians 4:11-12 11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need."

I think back, again, to when I was single. I was fine with it. I really was. But you know what else I was that I didn't realize at the time? I was BITTER and NOT READY to be married anyway, so it was a darn good thing I was fine with it. It wasn't until God led Jason to pursue me that I realized just how NOT READY I was...

There are a lot of BITTER single women out there. Goodness, if I'd started my friendship with Jason showing just how BITTER I obviously still was, he never would have seen enough in me to want to pursue me in the first place, even as a friend. As his friend, however, I didn't have to exhibit those bitter parts of myself so much. But when he asked about my past relationships, I was honest; and he spent a lot of time asking questions and listening to my stories, patiently and lovingly.

Even when I first started dating Jason, and started thinking about the prospect of our getting married, it took a darn long time for it to settle comfortably in my head. I mean, I knew it wouldn't be right for me to date someone forever (though I kind of considered it), especially someone who let it be known right away that the end result would have to be marriage if he were to call me his girlfriend in the first place. It's just that I'd never seen a happily married couple unless it was on a sitcom. In addition, I was so messed up emotionally from all the junk I went through with other men, that it took several years for me to let all of that go.

I tell you, no good man wants to be with an angry, sarcastic and all around bitter woman. You don't have to look like a model in the face or body to get someone to love you unconditionally, to want to marry you. But you can't be less than aesthetically pleasing AND a jerk and yet have the nerve to blame men for being "too stupid" to "see a good thing" in you. 

Use your single time to take personal inventory of where you are emotionally, mentally, and even socially. LET GO and LET GOD reveal to you all that can use some fixin'. If you have a nasty attitude, drink too much, suffer from other addictions, are a user of people, are chronically sarcastic and/or mean-spirited, are quick to become angry, are easily offended or offensive, often misinterpret people's good intentions for you, etc., you're NOT READY to receive the kind of Love from a GOOD man that only God will prepare especially for His daughters - and you have no one to blame but yourself.


Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

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