Thursday, January 17, 2013

Weekly Journal Questions Week Two Catch-Up

Another question I picked out of my envelope of 52 questions was:

Are you a loyal person? Can you keep a secret? (Correction from how it was initially listed a few entries ago.)

Summary of how I answered:

I absolutely, positively consider myself to be a loyal person, and definitely one who can keep a secret. I went further in answering this by talking about how growing up, I'd never been into the gossip thing, even in high school, and that loyalty and someone else's inability to keep a secret caused me to quit my job as a cashier at Giant.

This is where I go into detail about how I answered while possibly adding more to it:

As a cashier at Giant, I was surrounded by very gossipy ladies. Women who have been cashiering for most of their adult lives. I was friendly and good at what I did, but I vehemently rejected any and all invitations to talk negatively about a customer or anyone else for that matter. As a result, the cashiers started to dislike me. They'd even try to look at me and make faces to try to get me to respond when either their own customer or my customer appeared to be rude.

When I became pregnant with my second child, I was enrolled in a technical school in order to obtain skills that would allow me to move on in my career path, which, started out to be in Network Engineering. However, after I became pregnant, my brain turned to mush (THANKS, NOAH!!! :)) and I had to downgrade my training to Office Administration. It was my plan to keep my pregnancy a secret for as long as I could from the gossipy ladies so that I could continue to earn income for my firstborn and myself without the stress of being the victim of severe judgment, as well as the topic of frenzied gossip that I was sure to be. I was due in January and was set to graduate from technical school five months prior to that, so I thought I had time.

About nine weeks into my pregnancy, I made the mistake of confiding in one of the office-workers, who'd touted herself to be a Christian. There were days I had to miss work or be late because I suffered from severe headaches or morning sickness (without the actual vomiting, just severe nausea), as well as frequent trips to the bathroom for which I needed to be given special consideration. The next day, I'm getting fake, "Congratulations!" left and right from practically everyone in the store. When I confronted this "Christian" woman, she basically dismissed me and stated she didn't understand why I'd be upset. I already had one child out of wedlock so what's the big deal about needing secrecy about having another one?

I gave my two weeks notice on that day, after having very happily worked there for three years and two months.

As a teenager, one of the things that used to hurt me most often was finding out that either my sister, mother, or friends would talk negatively about me to their friends, thereby showing a lack of loyalty on their parts. These people would look me in my face and act as though they loved me and to top it off, would HATE it if I mentioned facts about another person they knew regarding their behaviors. Not only that, they'd passionately defend those people! Meanwhile, they'd sit and listen to if not wholeheartedly agree with and add TO everything negative that was said about me.

To be fair, I was a real a**hole of a teenager. I was Ms. A**hole at home, and Ms. Congeniality at school, work and EVERYWHERE else. But still...
It wasn't a purposeful duality in lifestyle, I assure you. I was extremely unhappy at home and hated virtually everything about my household. I won't go into details about it, but trust that the minute I was able to, even to my own detriment as I wasn't as "ready" as I thought I was, I left home at 23 years old with my five-year-old and nine-month-old sons in tow.

Again, I know that from the outside looking in, I could be viewed as a hypocrite. I didn't think of it that way. It's not like I had to think about my behavior once I was out of the house. The transition came naturally. I was happier when I wasn't at home and my disposition changed accordingly.

But, I digress...

I grew up needing to know how to keep secrets because of the things going on in my house. I was a good student, quiet, and kept to myself; privacy was something that I needed to have in order to feel comfortable. I'd never want my secrets to be repeated, so it was only right - and EASY for me to keep others' secrets as well.

Today, while I am not as reserved as I once was, I still value my privacy to an extent. There was a time that I'd NEVER allow a family member to help me clean out closets - who KNEW what could be found in them! LOL! Now that I live my life a bit more openly and a lot less fearfully, I'm very nearly an (partially) open book, however, my respect for others' privacy as well as my desire to have loyal people around me and to remain a loyal person myself, remain unchanged.

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

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