Friday, September 21, 2012

Bye!


I have a few free minutes here at work and almost returned to watching back to back episodes of Seinfeld; but then a little voice in my head said, "You should write." So, here I am.

I unsubscribed from my favorite youtuber because of a comment - or as she might call it, a "joke" - that she made about God on Twitter a few days ago (I also stopped following her on Tumblr and Twitter and unliked her FB page). I know that it probably makes me incredibly judgmental and over-reactive, but I don't much care.

Speaking of being over-reactive, man, I really have been extremely emotional lately. I don't know what's happened. It's like a tear-well inside of me has sprung a leak and crying has become way too easy. There have been situations here and there that have caused me enough despair to cry - and I've even felt like I NEEDED to cry - yet when it came down to it, my eyes wouldn't let the tears go. I literally felt like I was emotionally constipated, if such a thing even exists. Meanwhile, an emotional person on a show or in a movie could incite me to cry almost instantly...go figure.

Some insensitive person out there might say, "You're probably entering the early stages of menopause or have some other hormonal imbalance," and to them I say, WHATEVER. I tell you what I think it is: as I have previously mentioned, I recently went through some stuff that has caused me to see myself and my relationships in a whole new light; probably the light that I should have seen them in from the beginning. In other words, I am taking some aspects of my life more seriously. Things that I used to ignore or internalize (as a result of which I'd become bitter and hold grudges for much longer than is healthy), I no longer do...

Saying that just made me think of the stories I've read about or have seen on TV about why people break up. You often hear, "It wasn't any one big thing, it was just a lot of little things..." I also remember being told to never go to bed angry. Those things didn't sound like that much of a big deal back when I first heard them, but now, I see how they can really destroy any kind of relationship if not properly considered.

I myself have had a habit of responding to situations that hurt or angered me by internalizing my feelings and keeping quiet - even if asked, BEGGED to share what I was thinking/feeling, I'd keep my mouth shut. After a while, I'd "get over it," or at least, it would feel like I got over it. The truth is, I'd simply bury those things inside of myself to be recalled at any given moment, to the extent that it would become added fuel to very tiny fires that may spring up, making ordinarily small or even insignificant "sparks" turn into the emotional equivalent of forest wildfires...

I highly recommend to everyone who is in an important relationship, whether it be romantic, friendly or familial, to please take the time to talk your issues out as they arise. Don't let fear or insecurity stop you from expressing how you feel. This is not to say that every random thought that pops into your head should be expressed. But, if something that has been said or done to you has left a mark on your heart, you owe it to yourself and the person you care about to let it be known...

In other words, don't give those sparks permission to become more than what they are - stomp them out IMMEDIATELY...


Until Next Time...

XOXOXO

Jessika

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