Sigh...
I started to get extremely worried; worried in a way that was in no way healthy and left me feeling completely helpless. I quite literally thought, felt like my life, as I knew it, was about to be turned completely upside down...
There was a point where the issue was so overwhelming that I got a little angry at God because I felt like He was allowing this to happen as a way to "force" me to come to Him - and I resented it. The result of ALL of this was that I hurt and cried more in one night than I've cried and hurt in the last three years combined.
One could say I'm a bit stubborn. Okay, more like stubborn as a bull. I don't claim to know everything, but I have a pretty good understanding of what it is I should and shouldn't do and say. Sometimes (a lot of times), however, I don't actually succeed in putting those things that I know into action.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have displayed all of the telltale signs of one who lacks WISDOM.
I desire Wisdom...so I prayed for it and believe that it will be given to me - and that plenty of opportunities to display my newly acquired gift will follow...
You could say that my recently overcome rough patch was the equivalent to having a huge, brightly-lit mirror staring me in my face, and I didn't like what I saw. What I saw made me remorseful, embarrassed, and ready to be forgiven - not only by those I've hurt, not only by God, but by MYSELF, too.
It's funny how the things we're "supposed" to do in life, the "right" things, seem to be the hardest to start doing. Yet, those things make you feel better about yourself than the wrong things will ever make you feel. Interestingly enough, the "wrong" things are much easier to do and KEEP doing than the right ones are.
This world is so backwards. I can't wait to go HOME...
Until Next Time,
XOXOXO
Jessika
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