Friday, September 28, 2012
I LOVE my husband...
That's nothing new, right? I was thinking about just how much today after remembering a boy who had the hugest crush on me when I was in living in Alexandria, VA, in fifth or sixth grade. He literally just popped into my head out of nowhere. His name was Luis Martinez. He was stocky and had a mole on his face that I know if I saw today, I wouldn't it think was a big deal. Back then, however, in my superficial jerky days, I thought it was "gross," and because of it, I never gave him the time of day. The crazy thing is, I haven't thought about this boy since I was still a child...
(Luis Martinez, if by some miracle you ever find this, I am sorry for treating you the way I did back then. I sincerely pray that you've met, or that you will meet, a really nice girl to love and marry and have children with, and that you're living happily. God bless you! And to anyone else out there that I might have hurt or mistreated, please accept my sincerest apologies!!)
Luis was the sweetest, kindest boy I'd known at that time of my life - and since, until I met Jason - and the only boy I can remember who pursued the heck out of me, no matter how much I brushed him off and/or mistreated him. He wasn't just nice to me and wanted to be around me, he told me, on a very, very regular basis just how much he liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. I had never been pursued that openly and persistently before or after him - again, until I met my husband. Guys have shown their interest in me plenty of times, yes, but usually it was subtle or inconsistent, you know? It takes commitment for a guy to put himself completely out there, to not care about what anyone thinks, to choose to spend every free moment with you or in pursuit of you and ONLY you.
Thinking about how badly I treated Luis, I started to think about a lot of the mistakes I've made over the years. How badly I've treated a LOT of people back then, boys and girls, friends and strangers, how many ridiculously awful decisions I made, how many opportunities I wasted, etc. If given the opportunity, I would go back and live my life all over again. When I thought about how amazing that opportunity would be earlier today, the one thing that I knew for 100 percent sure, is that I still would have wanted to meet and marry Jason.
The way he loves me is incomprehensible. I honestly don't think it's even human for a man to love me the way Jason loves me. Please don't misunderstand what I'm doing here by sharing this: I am not bragging about this or trying to make anyone feel badly. What I'm saying here is that the fierceness of Jason's love for me has absolutely nothing to do with what I did to or for him. I know that if God didn't do it, I'd still be super single.
I spent so many years thinking that being single was my destiny - and I thought I was perfectly happy and satisfied with that. There was no sadness or regret or anything remotely resembling bitterness with my acceptance of that "fact." But God...(trying not to cry here)...for some reason, God felt that it was absolutely necessary for me to be loved by a man on this earth, and as such, He must have taken over Jason's heart and body and mind in order to make that happen.
You've heard the line in a Tyler Perry movie or seven, but my husband's love for me is a reflection of God's love for me. It is unconditional. Entire. Complete. NOT EARNABLE!!! There is nothing I could have possibly done to or for Jason that would make him love me the way he does. NOTHING. Just like there is absolutely nothing I could have possibly done, or could ever possibly do, to deserve God's love and His Salvation - and yet I have them.
You know what? I take it back: if I could live my life all over again, I WOULD NOT. I THANK GOD for my past and the path that led me to my husband. I wouldn't change a thing!!! If it hadn't been for all of the bad experiences I've had along the way, I never would have been able to appreciate him...I totally married a "nice guy." True, Jason's not your typical nice guy; he's fun and funny and NEVER boring, but he is a nice guy, and God gave me the presence of mind and heart to receive this special gift.
THANK YOU, FATHER GOD, FOR BLESSING ME WITH YOUR LOVE ON EARTH AND IN HEAVEN, FOR YOUR SALVATION, MERCY AND GRACE! LET ME NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF OR MISS ANY GOOD THING IN MY LIFE PRESENTLY AND TO COME! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN!!!
Until Next Time,