Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Long Time No Blog

Geez, where have I been? Once again, lost in youtube and other non-important things like nail polishing, nail polish organizing, nail polish shopping, nail polish lusting-after and so on an so forth...

It's after 6:00 p.m. and I JUST finished doing all of my work for today. Sigh.

So, I'm on a mission to not be so interested in nail polish anymore (though I'm still anxiously awaiting that second Zoya shipment that I ordered using my sis's account with the bogo free promo). I just got over my handbag obsession and to prove it, I purposely SKIPPED my Little Black Bag this month, even though there were several items that caught my eye, just to show The Handbag who's boss! I think I'll cancel altogether...hmm..will I be able to get away with that?...hold on...YES! I was able to call them and cancel. I'm FREE!!!!!!!!!!!! (NOTHING against LBB, okay? I think it's awesome, just trying to break these chains!!!!)

I really do annoy myself with my back to back obsessions/addictions. It's not Godly in any way, shape or form. I have a sound and self-controlled mind and wallet and I CAN stop spending them on foolishness...

A thought that keeps entering my mind is death. Yes, death. Aside from the fact that I've dreamt twice in less than three weeks that a serial killer was after me (the first one actually caught me and held me prisoner but I escaped only to have him chase me again with a chainsaw), I keep seeing myself being lowered into the ground and yet still having thoughts like, "I bought all those bags and polishes and I won't need a single one of them where I'm going! I won't even think about them there!"

It seems crazy to think like that but I've been doing it more and more. I'll be engaged in one activity or another and my mind keeps saying, "None of this will matter in the end, in the long run, etc." There is so much that I do and say on a day to day basis that simply doesn't mean ANYTHING to ANYONE - especially not to God - yet, I can and DO spend hours and hours and hours and more hours doing it. However, let me spend a few minutes reading the bible or praying and I can't stop yawning and/or aching to take a nap.

I abhor satan!!!!

But I can't give him all the credit. He wouldn't know what to tempt me with if I didn't give into the temptations so consistently, now would he? God doesn't care about what I'm wearing, doesn't care about my makeup routine, or how my nails look or how on-trend I am or amen't ("amen't," meaning, "am not;" another word in my yet-unreleased book, "New-Jessika's Dictionary of Made-Up Words"). And that's another thing, I'm already sick of this Mrsmorphosis moniker. I just want to write as myself, Jessika Blount. Is that crazy? (I really do want an answer to that)

I'm getting older. I've given up the Facebook games I used to play for at least a month now, but it's time for me to forreal-forreal take back my life and get some discipline in ALL things: attitude, shopping, food intake, shopping, exercise, shopping, the words that come out of my mouth, shopping, watching youtube videos, shopping...

In short, I'm not happy with the person I am today because I know I can be, was made to be, BETTER than this. I guess I always feel like this; to be honest, I'd rather feel like this than to think that I'm a-ok just the way I am, like those self-delusional jerkazoids (MY word, don't use it!) who make everyone around them sick with their attitudes, disposition, whatever, yet walk around thoroughly self-satisfied and/or thinking they're God's gift to humanity...

Don't misunderstand me, I don't think "lowly" of myself, and I don't think that the way I am makes God or anyone else hate me, I'm just sayin' there's room for some improvements, and I'm ready to make them...

Until Next Time,



1 comment:

  1. Very nice! I like it!! You forgot to mention though the fact that there is also room for writing THE BOOK? ;-) just a thought.
    I love you!! ♥