Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The Negativity/Complaining Issue

Last week, I asked my husband if I generally complained a lot. This was after talking to him about someone in our office who constantly complains about everything and everybody. While trying to figure out a way to tell her to stop complaining so much, it struck me to ask if I, too, have this issue. According to my husband, I do.

Being that he's the only person I bother to complain about and TO on a regular basis, it makes sense that he'd feel that way. I personally don't agree with his assessment, however, I do have a negative talking issue.

What I mean is that I talk unnecessarily in a negative way about the stupidest things. Like, TV. Things like, "Why are his lips so cracked?" "Why does her hair look like that?" "Ugh, she's an idiot!" "Ugh, he's a moron!" These are things I'm yelling at a TV or a computer screen on a regular basis.

I don't complain. I'm just really critical and judgmental is all....

I've been this way since I was a teen. A lot of my friendships (okay, ALL OF THEM) ended because of this issue. I've been extremely critical and judgmental and it makes sense. You really tell people who you are by what you say and do - and by the things that bother you. Seeing as how I have something negative to say about everyone and everything else tells the truth about the way I've spoken about myself. Lately, I've been criticizing the way some people in my life have been handling money and making financial decisions - and duh, who just wrote about how terribly she was handling money and making financial decisions?!! Here's a hint: ME-ME-ME!!!

There was a period of time when I started going to church, regularly studied in the bible, and committed myself to Christ, where I was extraordinarily tolerant and accepting and loving and refused to say anything negative about anyone. I remember at the time that I was very happy with myself as a person. For the first time, I loved myself and when you love yourself, it's easy to love others. The longer I stay away from the bible, which is where the truth about who I am really is, the more I forget about all of the good things God has to say about me, about all of His children, the very children I have been criticizing...

I'm not saying I hate myself, but I have been very critical of myself, and that's not cool. Before I started to write this, I was going to announce that I'd decided to watch my words and not speak unless what I had to say was positive, but as I started to write, I realized what the root cause of the issue was, and unless it's addressed, no form of commitment to doing better was going to stick. That proved true all weekend when I kept having to "take back" and re-word things I was saying out loud. Shame, shame.

I've heard it all my life: the importance of loving yourself first. Some may think that means to put your happiness, your goals, your desires, your needs above everyone else's. But the truth is, love of self is necessary not for those purposes, but for the single purpose of putting others first. When you are truly accepting and loving of yourself, it's easy to take yourself out of the equation while in the practice of loving and supporting others. I'm not just spewing stuff I've heard before. I've actually lived this, experienced this myself, and I intend to be in a similar, but much better and more magnificent place...

For a long time I've been wishing that I could go back to the way I was, to a previous version of myself, but that's not God's will for my life. Why wish for something old when God is all about making us NEW? No, I don't want to go back there. I want, I need, I WILL move forward into new blessings...a brand new Me...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

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