I was a woman scorned. Hurt, confused, abandoned and lost. After reading all kinds of self help books, even following the instruction given in the books of "New Thought" spiritual teacher, Iyanla Vanzant, I'd had enough. Though all of these tactics seemed to help for a little while, I felt myself getting restless, wanting to fall back into the same pattern of behavior when it came to my dealings with men.
So here came the decision. In 2002, I decided that if I didn't know how to do it right (dating), I wasn't going to do it at all! A year later, I started going to church, and during a Sunday service on my 28th BIRTHDAY, nearly a year after I started going to church, I received the Holy Ghost. All of a sudden, my entire perspective on men, dating, love and life in general really, was changed. I was able to SEE clearly everything I missed when dealing with men...
Enter the "hard-wiring" of men I spoke about in Part 1. It was revealed to me that it is in the nature of a man to hunt, conquer, lead and to be in control. Any man you meet who says he prefers for the woman to do the leading, make all the first moves and decisions, is a man who has been tainted by his environment and personal dealings either with the women in his family and/or in his dating experience and is NOT a proper candidate with whom to enter into a healthy, long-lasting relationship. STEER CLEAR of this type of man!
Men may sometimes behave as though they prefer a woman who dresses and speaks provocatively, is easy to bed, etc., but truthfully, a woman like that isn't someone a good man will be willing to put all of his money and effort into "winning." A woman like that is no prize to be won. A good man needs to know that the woman he wants isn't easy to get, and as such, will go above and beyond to show his interest and make his intents known. A good man, one who will lead his household and family lovingly and effectively, will know how to, and is not afraid to PURSUE the woman he wants. HE will make the calls, the plans, the dates. He will set the pace of the relationship and will do it in a way that is in the best interest of both himself and the woman he wants.
A good man isn't looking for a trophy, he's looking for someone he can trust. Men are generally prouder and tend to be a lot more careful with their hearts than we women are; they are less likely to fall in love with someone who has the potential to make him look like a fool. A good and very smart man will ensure that a true friendship has been established before he will pursue a romantic relationship. You, as a woman, should also demand for yourself a friendship before ever considering romance if you want to establish a bond with him that will make it a whole lot more difficult for him to be dishonest with or unfaithful to you. If you notice, men are extremely loyal to their friends - more loyal than female friends tend to be, that's for sure. If you establish a true and mutually trusting relationship with a man, AND he falls in love with you...to cheat on or hurt you in any way would crush him, and as a natural self-preserver he'd avoid it at all costs...
Please remember that even a good man won't always get everything right. If you let him, he may take advantage of a woman who lets him go too far too soon. You, as the woman in his sights, can very quickly turn a serious interest into a fleeting thought if you behave and dress in a way that appeals more to his lust than to his mind and heart.
To Be Continued...
Until Next Time,