Friday, August 3, 2012

Mistakes Women Make Part 3 - Final

Here are some more common mistakes women make:

1. Thinking that you should portray a casual, nonchalant attitude about the men who are pursuing you. Again, men don't like to be made to look like fools. If you treat him as though he's not important, or like he's only one of many, many men you're seeing, it will make him think you're not worth pursuing. To be clear, it is good for a man to see you as desirable to others, it's not good for him to see you as someone with whom just about anyone can spend time. The chance to spend time with you should be a privilege not easily given.

2. Accepting first invitations to go out, and/or dating "casually." Going out with a man just to have something to do is not okay. It is a waste of your very valuable time; time that should be spent taking care of your spiritual, emotional and physical (not sexual) needs, reflecting on your past relationships, pursuing or even finding your passions. If/When a man is truly interested in you, first get to know him better by talking on the phone, emailing, texting, etc. Ask questions that are important to you. If and only if he passes the preliminary "examination" if you will, and if and only if you already have plans to take a walk, meet some friends, go to a museum, or whatever, you may let him know where you're going/what you're doing and tell him he can swing by if he'd like. A man who is really interested in you will take any opportunity he can get to see you.

3. Denying that casual sex and/or "booty call" relationships are harmful to you . Ladies, you can take on the Samantha from Sex in the City attitude all you like, but a good-hearted woman wanting to love and be truly loved cannot have sex and not be affected by it. There is an exchange made with every sexual encounter you have. Every man you've been with has left something in you behind, and it happens whether or not you use a condom!!! The purest version of yourself, the one God created you to be, becomes more and more of a distant memory with each sexual partner you have; in other words, you become less and less you, and more and more a combination of all the men you've allowed into your bed. Movies like "No Strings Attached" and "Friends with Benefits" send extremely dangerous messages to women in that they give the impression that it's possible to find "true love" in a booty-call relationship. Also keep in mind that you will NEVER find true love with a booty call relationship on the side. Think of that relationship as a brick wall between you and True Love.

4. Going out of your way to find a man with whom to have a relationship without really knowing what it is you're looking for. Know what you do and don't want in a man, what you will and will not accept, before deciding to make yourself available via a dating site, service, or by visiting venues in which there are going to be a lot of single people. Here's a tip: GOOD men don't frequent "the club." They just don't. And neither do GOOD women.

5. Making the first move. There are a lot of men out there who find it very difficult to hurt a girl's feelings by saying "no." I know of some men who have even had sex with women to whom they weren't really attracted, and/or had absolutely no intention of pursuing for whatever reason. To ask a man out is an absolute waste of your time and his. DON'T DO IT!!!

6. Brushing off the warnings and "bad feelings" your friends and family give/are having with regard to the man you're with. Look, I fully recognize that there are a lot of "haters" out there, some of the biggest are among our family and friends, indeed. But, pay close attention to what the people in your life who genuinely care about you have to say. Sometimes, these very people are the only ones who can be objective about what they're seeing in you and/or in him as a result of the relationship. It's true that we're not going to be able to make everyone in our life happy, and that we and only we are the ones who need to decide whether or not the person we choose is right for us, however, you have to admit that sometimes our perceptions are tainted by the emotional ties we create with our partners. I can honestly say with that each and every time someone in my family said to me that something wasn't "right" with the person I was with, they were 100 percent correct.

7. Thinking it's absolutely necessary to have sex with a man in order to keep his interest. Honey, did you not get the memo? Draw'-droppin' women are a dime a dozen these days and no one worth having is signing up to marry a single one of them. Succumbing to the pressure of having sex with someone you're trying to get to know better and to keep around is the fastest way to LOSE him emotionally and mentally. He may stick around for a few more rounds if the sex is good, but there's nothing healthy or long-term in it. To NOT have sex is what makes you unique.

I could go on and on and on about the things we women tend to do that hinder the potential for a long-lasting relationship. But I'm going to stop now and leave you with this: I honestly believe, even after all that I've written thus far, that it isn't necessary to be in a relationship or to be married in order to live a perfectly moral, happy, and fulfilling life. I can attest to that fact myself. Interestingly, when I discovered this truth and focused on my relationship with God, my kids, and my family, love came knocking on my door - and I wasn't even looking for it, nor did I invite it (on purpose)! Yet, when I finally answered, it wasn't because I felt like I "needed" it; it was because it was a gift God sent to me that I WANTED to accept.

Until next time,



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