Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Ahh, That Was Nice...


An entire three days without having to write:). I almost wrote yesterday, but, I found the words stuck in my chest, unable to be released. Probably because it isn't time to release them yet. So, today's topic will be something different.

I spent a lot of my weekend thinking about relationships and how they can be changed over time. As a Christian, you are supposed to think about and regard others more highly than you do yourself. This is hard to do in a world that teaches you to put yourself above all, but it's something that I - and even more so, my HUSBAND - try to practice at all times. We're also very quick and willing to forgive transgressions easily. I PERSONALLY attribute MY willingness more to laziness than to my being a "good Christian;" it takes too much energy for me to be mad at someone for long! :) 

It's a rarity for a relationship to be equally pursued and nurtured by both parties. Usually, one person, the giver, gives, loves, spends, and even CARES more than the other person, the receiver, does. A lot of times, the giver does it so easily and willingly that the lack of effort displayed by, or even the worthiness of the receiver of this care is barely considered. In other words, though the giver in the relationship is clearly doing all the work in keeping the relationship together, it's not "feeling" like work to them, and, in most cases, they are enjoying putting forth the effort so much that they really don't CARE if they ever receive it in return...

Until...

The receiver of this unconditional love says or does something that is so hurtful, that so obviously shows the giver that the receiver doesn't care anything about them; that undoubtedly lets the giver know that everything they've ever done for the receiver meant absolutely nothing to them; that, in fact, the receiver has merely been USING the giver the entire time, while thinking so little of the giver that they would accuse them of being something or someone that the giver has never, would never deserve to be accused of being...

Something this offensive is nothing less than a huge slap not only in the face, but also, the HEART...

Forgiveness is absolutely necessary to be able to move forward with your life. A drug addict who hasn't forgiven his childhood abuser (the "cause" of the addict's desire to lose himself in drugs in the first place) will most likely stay an addict for the rest of his life. Even a recovering addict who HAS forgiven and let go of his abusive past, but won't forgive himself for the mistakes he's made as an addict, will likely return to his addiction...

People often think that to forgive someone means that they have to allow the person who hurt them back into their lives as though the offense never took place. This fallacy, I'm sure, is why there are a lot of people out there who are unwilling to forgive. However, life has taught me that forgiveness isn't meant to leave our relationships unchanged. There are consequences to our actions, and sometimes, loss of a relationship as you knew it is one of them...

It doesn't mean that you aren't forgiven, or that you are hated by the person you hurt (in fact, a true giver is more likely to always love the receiver, even if only from a distance), it just means that things have changed. Take the experience as a lesson learned and move forward with your life, (hopefully) knowing and doing better than you ever did before...

Until next time,

XOXOXO - Jessika

2 comments:

  1. Forgiveness is hard. It is easy to say I forgive you, but true forgiveness that is, it means letting go, leaving it in the past and moving forward. The tricky thing about it is really letting the transgression go, never bringing it up, and letting it be in the past. Its something I struggle with from time to time. But as you said, take it as a life experience, a lesson, and move forward.

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    1. If it's easy for us to bring up a past transgression, then it's certainly not forgiven, because it is still in our hearts to speak: "for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh." Luke 6:45
      We should definitely allow ourselves to LEARN from the past transgressions of others, but we should never throw them back in their faces - especially if we've decided to continue having relationships with them. It's harder to do that if/when the people who hurt us KEEP doing it, but if it comes up with every disagreement or argument, it's something we really need to check our hearts on and address head-on!

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