Monday, July 30, 2012

Mistakes Women Make Part 1

Some say that there is more than one way to do just about anything and still get the desired result. I'm not so sure...

Before I go any further, please allow me to acknowledge the fact that I am no relationship guru. I cannot pretend to know all the answers to every relationship question in all of existence. I can and do only speak of my own experience, and the experiences of other women I've known over the years.

When it comes to dating and attracting the right kind of man, I think that there are some basics that can't be tweaked. I'm not naive; I know that men come in many different personalities and dispositions and "love languages," but there are foundational truths that God, for the lack of a better term, "hard-wired" into them. Yes, there are MANY ways to attract a man. Many ways even to get yourself a boyfriend. ANY woman can "get" a man. But, how many of us can keep one?

I believe that the biggest most repetitive mistake women make (myself included before I got a clue) that hinders their ability to catch and KEEP a good man is that they go into new relationships without first figuring out what went wrong in the previous ones. Think about it: if you're a woman who has a history of failed relationships, what (who) is the common denominator?

YOU are...

For those of you who may get their feathers ruffled at my alluding to the fact that you may be why your previous relationships failed, I challenge you with a question: Why did you pick him in the first place if he was such a loser? I truly believe that if you are honest with yourself about the process involved in getting yourself in your previous relationships, you will find that you did a lot if not all of the exact same things. You were dressed in the same or similar clothing, were at the same or similar type of venue, were in the same or similar state of mind, whether sober, high or drunk; had the same or similar types of thoughts and plans in your own head about where this relationship was headed, and engaged in the same or similar dating rituals that you did before.

Please don't misunderstand me. I know that even our bad relationships are a necessary part of our growth process. I mean, how will we know what we really want or how to appreciate a really good man unless we've experienced really bad ones, right? However, there comes a time when a woman should be SICK of dealing with the same kind of man and going through the same kind of pain in her relationships. A time when she has learned enough about herself and the men she's chosen to start making DIFFERENT choices - and be able to spot the losers a whole heck of a lot more quickly.

Isn't it really better to be alone than to have to deal with all of the drama? I cannot believe that there are women out there who would rather have a warm body in their bed than total peace of mind. I just don't get it. But then again, I do...

I had a lot of short term boyfriends in high school, yes, but it wasn't until bout 14 months after my first child was born that I truly became the woman described above. I was lonely and searching and compromising myself just so I could say I had a man. I was a dater without a cause so to speak. A lot of the men I dated I never became physical with; I simply used them as something to do on a weekend. However, I always felt that there was something missing, so I'd date several men at a time, choose one I'd be physical with and use the others for free meals and movies and other types of activities. For nearly two years, I had a date at least once if not twice or more times a week.

And then, I entered an on-again-off-again-three-year relationship with a man who cheated on me and abused me physically, mentally and emotionally: the man who fathered my second son. I allowed this man to do all of the awful, hateful things that all of the other men in my past did to me and then some. This relationship became the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back," forcing me to go on a quest that would eventually lead into my making the single most important and life changing decision I'd made my entire dating life...

To be continued...

Until Next Time,


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