I've been a little bit of a basket case these last several days. My mood has been up and down and all the way around. It's possible that I've settled down a bit as of yesterday afternoon/early evening.
I find that the more "blah" I feel, the more time I waste on bull-crappery like trash television and the online games I'm clearly already sick of, but cling to when I'm feeling..."blah."
I've recently had the extreme displeasure of experiencing several episodes of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. They were so trashy, so gut-wrenchingly awful, that I feel compelled to catch the newest episode coming on tonight. I don't know, I feel like if I look hard enough at the television at Stevie J, he will spontaneously combust and therefore, instantly improve the air quality of all the earth and the plight of all humanity...
I am tempted to continue to talk about how absolutely, positively DISGUSTING that man is, and how WRETCHED Joseline is, and how GROSS Lil' Scrappy is, but I must refrain if I am to maintain my sanity...you know what? I just made up my mind. I WILL NOT watch another episode of that trash. Any show that, at the very thought of it, makes me snarl and feel sick to my stomach should probably not make it into my weekly rotation. My eyes and ears deserve better in life.
I actually really enjoyed church yesterday, which hasn't happened in a really long time. I was particularly impacted by the message spoken by our Minister Jim. Without going too deeply into it, he spoke on how God has blessed us with pretty much everything He's ever going to bless us with, but that we have a tendency not to believe or walk in it. Things like, patience, love, peace, good health, etc., were already placed in us upon becoming saved. I AM healed because I WAS healed (1Peter 2:24), I can give love because the One who IS love (1John 4:8) resides within me (1John 4:4), and all that fun jazz:). He also spoke on how we need to speak more of the Word into our lives and declare the things God says about us out loud, even if the actual manifestation of those things aren't yet apparent to others or to yourself...
The reason Min. Jim's message stuck out to me the most is because I have (had) a tendancy to beat myself up a lot. I can (used to) forgive everyone else in the world much more quickly than I can (used to) forgive myself, and sometimes, the things that I do (did) make (made) my insides quake at the thought that I'm going to go to hell because of them. Every snappy remark, every raise of my voice, every ungodly thought, is (was) instantly met with a barrage of inner voices telling me what a faithless, godless woman I am, how much I deserve to go to hell, blah, blah, blah.
But you know WHAT???
Those voices don't belong to me and more importantly, they are NOT of God. God knows that I am not perfect, but that doesn't change what He did for me and what He has promised. He put a lot of beautiful things and plans into me that up until now, I've been much too insecure to believe and WALK in. From now on, I shall REBUKE those nasty filth-talking voices and replace them with the WORD of TRUTH.
The devil should consider himself firmly planted back UNDER MY FEET, which is where he has and always will belong!
Until next time,