Monday, July 2, 2012

Mind Trickery

I'm still at work. It's been pretty busy today. I've only just gotten the opportunity to write...though, I have no idea what this entry will be about...

The power in our neighborhood was restored yesterday morning, praise the Lord! We spent the night in a very nice and cool basement on Saturday night. I got to church superly duperly late, which isn't out of the ordinary for me, unfortunately. I always seem to find something to do that will further delay my arrival at church on Sunday morning. One of the many things I do that annoy me, but that I continue to do anyway.

I spent the majority of my late afternoon and evening yesterday watching romantic comedies. The parts in which the girl was hurting, getting disappointed or heartbroken by a man, brought back painful memories. Yet...part of me almost "missed" the agony of being single and heartbroken. Call me ridiculous, but I did. It kind of scared me a little bit that I would feel this way, especially since I've been blessed beyond comprehension in the love department. It's just the sort of mind trickery that the devil would use, trying to make me think it's better to be single and hurting than to be married and loved unconditionally.


It reminds me of the times when I would pass run-down neighborhoods and suddenly find myself "wishing" I could live there, and/or missing my old run-down neighborhoods. Somehow these thoughts are more familiar, comfortable to me...

You will find as I continue to write that things pop into my head on occasion that don't make any sense. I seem to be in perpetual conflict with who I was, who I am, who I wish to be, and who I'm "supposed" to be. I pray to somehow make sense of all of these versions of myself, dispose of the ones that no longer matter and cling tightly to the ones that do, or better yet, pick ONE and stick to it so that I can be confident and consistent in who I am...

Until then, however, I will continue to ponder...

Until next time,




  1. The devil IS a liar, we're not all that different you know... But in any event, I'm glad that you've found someone who makes you happy, created a life together that makes you happy, continue to build upon what makes you happy, continue to rise above the lurking dark past and embrace that bright beautiful future, you will get there!

    1. AS ALWAYS, thank you for your support! xoxoxo