So, I was in the car again this morning and was in the mood to create a video that actually turned into two videos. I don't know yet if either of them will be posted.
I (used to, GRR) like to ask my husband to review my videos before I post them...however, he didn't very much like the second video I did this morning because I talked too much about makeup. He said there wasn't enough mention about real life - or my blog for that matter - and that it was too reminiscent of one of those "beauty blogs." (Honestly, sometimes it feels like if it were up to my husband, I'd leave the house bare-faced every day).
In my "debut" youtube video, I mentioned up front that I am in no way trying to be a "beauty blogger" - this remains TRUE, by the way - yet, while I recognize that there is a deep, meaningful story and message behind my personal life, I'm still a regular human female being who is interested in several different things - including some makeup items. Am I to repress the girly-girl in me and stay all about the deep stuff?
I think the issue here is the lack of "definition" to what it is I'm doing, and why it is I'm doing it. I think my husband thought that my sole purpose for starting to write again was to warm myself up for writing my book and to reach out to women to encourage and inspire them. And truth be told, that IS a big part of my reason; however, this is also about opening myself up again. To re-learn how to openly express myself and share my thoughts, whatever they might be.
As previously mentioned in another post, I don't have any in-my-face-all-the-time female friends. Sometimes I just feel like talking mindlessly about stupid stuff like makeup and purses and other girly things. I don't have anyone to do that with - but there is a huge number of women on youtube who love to do just that. I think that's why I like watching those videos; they make me feel like there's an actual girl-friend in front of me chatting away. Not all of the girls I watch talk ONLY about beauty and fashion. Some just like to talk about their days, how they're feeling, what their future plans are, etc.
Back in the day, I had this group of girlfriends that I'd met on a forum that was attached to a private blogging site of which I was a member. These girls and I used to start up random conversations as a group via email first thing in the morning that lasted the entire work day. A lot of times it was all laughs and fun, but sometimes we got deep and personal about stuff. There was no sugar-coating with these girls. We could open up and talk about anything. These daily exchanges were a release to me that somehow made it easier to write in my blog about my daily life, observations I've made, my perspective on said observations and soooo much more...
Shortly after the group "broke up," for reasons I'm having trouble recalling at the moment, I kind of lost my "itch" to write on a daily basis - hey! See, I just NOW made that connection! I've been trying to figure out for years what really happened to me and why I stopped writing and it was in my being able to reflect and express myself HERE that I've just figured it out! THIS IS WHY I NEED to keep doing what I'm doing. THIS IS HOW my change, growth and enlightenment will continue in a POSITIVE direction!
I think I will post both videos anywayz. And I am not going to edit a thing!!!!! I don't think it's a coincidence that since I started filming videos, I have been more inspired to write in my blog more often. Again, these videos allow me to speak to an audience, even if only currently "imagined," thereby releasing something in me, making it easier to write. I so love this!!!!
I am a complex individual. Some say they have many layers but I like to think of myself as having many "facets," like a diamond:). I have many sides, but I have repressed a great majority of them for many, many years. It is only when I feel completely free that I know the really deep and meaningful stuff will be able to flow through me more easily - so, THANK YOU, readers, for choosing to go on this journey with me...
Until next time,